


Graveyard Promises

by Carnal_Wolf



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Betty Cooper & Sweet Pea Friendship, Betty Cooper Deserves Better, Criminal Betty Cooper, Dark Betty Cooper, F/M, Gangs, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Motorcycle Culture, Old Friends, Protective Sweet Pea (Riverdale), Slow Burn, Southside Serpent Alice Cooper (Archie Comics), Southside Serpent Betty Cooper, Southside Serpent Jughead Jones, southside serpents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22124920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carnal_Wolf/pseuds/Carnal_Wolf
Summary: Betty finds herself in the graveyard, too young to be a widow and yet her love is going in the ground today.The past 6 years have been devoted to her children, but now Betty is President of The Serpents and thrown again into the dark criminal side of the club.Sweet Pea left Riverdale years ago choosing to be a Nomad on the open road. Coming back for the funeral and to help out his old friend Betty, someone he never fully managed to leave behind.
Relationships: Alice Cooper & FP Jones II, Alice Cooper/FP Jones II, Betty Cooper & Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper & Sweet Pea, Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper/Sweet Pea
Comments: 33
Kudos: 40





	1. always sing is you

**Author's Note:**

> This story came to me suddenly as I lamented not doing more with the criminal aspects of Serpent life in "The Darkness I Know In You" (as well as not finishing the darn poem lines that makes the chapter names.)
> 
> When I came up with this story ( after just writing the happy ending) I thought "Oh, everyone's going to hate me". So here is to stories never ending and killing your darlings.
> 
> P.S if it would help to see this story as an alternate universe to my previous work, feel free.

The rain had been a bit much. Not that it wasn’t fitting that the sky had broken open, representing tears I myself hadn’t been able to shed, as we gathered to remember my husband. To watch the man I loved, the only man that had ever deserved my love, go in the cold ground. I so irrevocably alone watching our two children watching their dad disappear forever. 

How sadistic was it to bring children to funerals? But then wouldn’t it be wrong not to? be just as harmful? And that’s just the fucking truth of it, when it came to this complete bullshit situation of us losing the man who was the most constant and sure thing in our small family life, there just wasn’t any right or good options anymore. My best bet was trying to pick the things that would fuck my children up the least, and how’s that for driving yourself mad?  
So ya, as I said the drizzling mother fucking rain this morning had been a bit much.

Everyone had come, the football field bleachers at Riverdale High had been packed, Serpents for all over the world had come to pay respect for the fallen President, the stands had been a sea of umbrellas and black and green cuts. There were many from town as well especially the Southside. The mother in me wondered where everyone was going to sleep tonight, every hotel room in town wouldn’t even be close to being enough, the grieving widow in me didn’t give a fuck.

Those here at the grave-site made a much smaller intimate group, Toni stood up across from me in a gorgeous black dress and began an acapella version of Frank Turner “Get Better”. It was one of Jugheads favorite songs. Her song was the catalyst for Jugheads coffin being slowly lowered into the damp earth, her voice taking his body to rest. If I really thought about it, if I really allowed myself to think about what was happening right now, how I was losing Jughead a second time but this time forever in the name of closure, I might lose my mind to grief . 

Toni’s stunning voice with those lyrics managed what nothing else had yet and the tears ran down unasked and unwanted down my face as I remember the times in my life Jughead had sang these words to me or hummed this tune. When I felt low or discouraged he would sing this song and try to dance me to happiness. In fact this song was perforated throughout our lives; there was no space that it hadn’t touched, so it was fitting to have it sung. It was appropriate, haunting and utterly unbearable. 

I stood up to flee but what I really wanted to do was scream, scream until there was nothing left in me no noise or air, drowning out the song and the haunting words that had a twisted meaning in this context that Jughead would have smirk at “we can get better because we’re not dead yet.” 

I didn’t scream because I had children with me and I had to be sensible, because me completely losing it would scare them. So I did the less damaging thing, I left. I walked away from my own husbands funeral. Gone was the expectation that the one that loved him most stayed the longest, or maybe it would be it just wouldn’t fucking be me. 

I walked away farther into the graveyard, the ground soft under my shoes from this morning’s short rain that had already sunk into the ground. It really was a beautiful graveyard, filled with trees and rolling low hills, before I was numb I had known, could feel, it was beautiful and would morbidly take my children here looking at the old stones and biking on the paths but that was before death was a thing that came and lived in our house before it was a thing that touched us. Now I knew it was beautiful but I couldn’t feel it, I looked around and saw it but couldn’t see.

When I was far enough away to no longer hear I stopped, I was in an older part of the cemetery. My heels sank in the grass, what the fuck was I thinking wearing heels? I probably was thinking that I wouldn’t be fleeing the funeral, I bemused sitting on a low tombstone that’s face was weather-worn.

“Not that the dead guys would mind you hanging around their gravestones, but I still feel the need to ask, what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” I turned to the intruder but I already knew who it was that voice was one I use to know well. Sweet Pea was in a fitted tailored black suit, thing is I knew that no matter the event it would always have been a black. He looked good I thought absentmindedly. “You really need to work on your pick up lines” I scoffed at the solid figure. 

“You saying that I’m batting out?” he looked genuinely confused but I knew he was playing me “ I have it on very good authority that hitting on the widow at the funeral of her deceased husband is a sure thing, no matter what line you use.”

I actually laughed but it soon became empty, I didn’t believe in sure things anymore. Jughead promised, he swore, that he would never leave. He promised me and those words just cannot mean nothing.

Sweet Pea moved closer. 

“Were you at the funeral?” I said cringing at my small talk it was the funeral equivalent of talking about the weather. “I didn’t see you.” I added to save face

“You were busy besides there was hundreds of people between you and me” I don’t think it would have mattered if there were three I was so oblivious to what was happening around me, it was as if my mind was broken. 

Sweet Pea was slowly moving closer, no sudden movements just the ever closing presence. I sat up again glaring at him it was like he was approaching a wild animal “What’s wrong with you? “ I asked him backing away. 

Sweet Pea stopped; his hands rose non-threatening which was bullshit because I’ve seen Sweet Pea throttle a guy for just looking at me wrong with those hands. 

His voice was calming, he always had this ability using the cadence of his voice to bring down the stress level in a situation, that is if he wanted to which admittedly wasn’t often.

“I’m just wondering Doll why you brought a gun to a funeral”

“What” I said confused and looked down at my clutch that I all but forgot that I had with me “How do you know I have a gun?” 

“Let’s just call it a sixth sense I’ve developed over the years.” he was moving again towards me, I walked back but stumbled a little when my heel caught on something. I don’t know how he closed the distance but he did. He steadied me till I go my feet secure, his hand sprayed across my back like Jughead use to do, and it invoked instant rage. 

“Let me go” I said and Sweet Pea complied just as I yanking myself back only to end up falling onto the uneven grass. Sweet Pea looked down at me concerned picking up my purse, with the gun, and offered me his other hand, but I stubbornly refused. “Reaper, take my dam hand” he was irritated and I was being a brat I didn’t want his help I was fine down here in the damp grass, yep right where I wanted to be. 

Sweet Pea straighten out and looked to the sky “I forgot how dam stubborn she could be” he said to himself while taking off his suit jacket and laying that on the ground and then he did the only sensible thing to do when a grown women was acting like a child he sat down beside me in the grass in his nice suit. My stubbornness fled “You are going to ruin your clothes” I said like the mother I was. Looking over at him aghast but Sweet Pea just lay back putting his hands behind his head committing to the role by lying fully down. After a few minutes Sweet Pea spoke “I’m sorry for grabbing you around the waist, I should have remembered what that would mean to you” 

His words hit a nerve I think because it came with understanding without me saying it, it was like everyone all week had just been asking me incessantly what I needed, but none seemed to have the insight that his statement did. It didn’t offer apologizes or false words to try to make it better he just acknowledged the loss in my reaction to the intimacy of the touch. “Come here” Sweet Pea went up on an elbow and pulled me back with him into a hug and I just wept on his shirt. If his suit wasn’t wreaked from the grass it would be from my tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel it needs to be said. Women in motorcycle culture (among the outlaw 1 percent) have been and still are treated heinously. Women are property that are “expected to consent to any sexual desire of one or multiple club members” (Quinn, 2007) are pimped out to make money. Your mere presence, as a women, is seen as consent to anything. 
> 
> Old ladies are treated better, but if they break rules then their Bikers are expected to deal out punishment which is always sexual in nature. “pulling the train” is being gang raped by all patch members, sometimes for days, (orally, vaginaly, or anally) and this is a common punishment. If women resists she is beat into submission and then raped. As an old lady you have less value then your mans motorcycle, and there is less punishment for someone messing with you then it. I suspect that women are going to be treated poorly until they can have equal standing (be full patch members like in my story) and though it is done in some, it is rare.
> 
> If you are female, I am not romanising real life 1 percent motorcycle clubs, I have researched and read biographies that make me sick. Possibly like me the appeal of a real man (especially after suffering from the many passive ones) is what brought you here but please don’t switch one form of abuse for another. You are of incalculable worth and deserving of respect and equality. Your thoughts and desires matter, and no matter what you should always get to choice who you give your body to (and I suggest not a guy who doesn’t see your value or respect you but as I said it’s your decision to make.)
> 
> Though I don’t suggest it to anyone else, I live in a town that has a support club for Hells Angels (which is notoriously one of the worst for crimes against women) and when I get an opportunity I’m going to call them on this shit. Real men don’t have to subjugate half of society to be manly and true confidence never comes from stepping on someone else back.
> 
> Much Love.


	2. here is the root of the root

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty and Sweet Pea get something to eat.

I came to and my brain was foggy, I couldn’t remember where I was, but the crickets chirped their song in the twilight close by. Moving off the warm chest, the jacket that was covering me shifted in the night chill, I looked out in the gloom. “Jughead where are we? Where are the kids?” My head felt pressurized like when I get a sinus flu. I was confused by my surroundings “What-“ I started to ask looking down into the sad eyes of the man that wasn’t Jughead. For one moment the wall of grief and pain was held at bay as I tried to comprehend what I was seeing or not seeing before everything broke forth.

A wail of long and pure grief came out of me when I remembered where Jughead was. It echoed off the gravestones like something not belonging to this earth. “Betty, Betty” Sweet Pea voice tried to reach me and his no longer comforting arms tried to settle me but I was a wild thing. I attacked him nails and teeth, hating that he made me think for a second that I had Jug back, hating him because he was alive and not hating him at all but so desperately wanting to hate someone.

I pulled away from him, the rock of the gravestone pressing into my back my breath heavy. Sweet Pea’s cheek was bleeding from where I must have gotten him but he didn’t seem to notice, he just looked at me with concern. Was I crazy? Did one know when they were mad? Somewhere everyday women did this, they lost their husbands and did not lose their minds. How did they fucking walk around being normal, doing their fucking daily shit. Did I felt deeper than most? I just couldn’t pretend or cling to self-deception, it wasn’t in me. But the cost might mean I just wasn’t going to survive this.

“You will survive this, I swear” Sweet Pea came closer not fearing me even though he should. He must have heard my thoughts or he might be mad as well, mad at least to approach me but I didn’t attack him again. I let him come close and stroke my hair “Those bitches probably hate their husbands and are secretly relieved to be rid of them” Sweet Pea continued slowly stroking in a steady rhythm soothing “What you had with Jughead, that was special Reaper, one in a billion. You are going to survive. I’ll make sure you survive.” I turned to look at his sincere eyes and even though I didn’t believe, I believed in him. 

When I finally pulled away again it was full on dark. “How long have we been here? “I asked able to put myself back into the world. 

“A couple hours” Sweet Pea replied and I adding up the times and that couldn’t be right it was dark. What time had the funeral been again? 

Sweet Pea saw my confusion and admitted the truth “You slept for four it has now been around five”

“What?!” I said “Where are my kids?” I said jumping up realising it must be past supper probably past bedtime. 

“Your mother took them home. They are fine” Sweet Pea looked at his phone “They were exhausted your mom put them to bed half an hour ago”

I grabbed the phone, wanting to see the proof that my children were ok and not kidnapped or something worse because of my negligence. There was a series of texts between Sweet Pea and my mother, him assuring her that I was ok and that he would take care of me and her assuring him that the kids were tired but safe. 

Apparently before bed they had watched one of our favorite Christmas movies, even though it was the beginning of summer. I handed him back his phone ashamed, “You must think I’m a terrible mother.” 

Sweet Pea looked me over slowly “I know that you are a terrific mother.”

I shivered looking around at the place of my breakdown, “Did anyone come, see me like that” but Sweet Pea shook his head “No one came. They understand there isn’t only one way to grief”

I scoffed “Sure but I bet it’s not supposed to look like this.” I stepped closer to him to assess the damage I did to his face and he swung his jacket around me. I reached out my hand touching the long scratches on his cheek. “I’m sorry”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. Not ever Reaper”

I shook my head “Hardly anyone calls me that any more Sweet Pea.” Not since I left club life to raise the kids.

Sweet Pea looked me over “Something’s don’t change no matter how much time passes” his voice was low and went through me or maybe it was just the night and the cold.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” 

He just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly looking around “Seemed like you needed it”

I nodded he was right I hadn’t been able to sleep since - “I need to go” I said 

Sweet Pea nodded agreement he took my arm leading me slowly as we made our way back through the graveyard, thankfully the moon was almost full. 

I saw it from far off , the fresh mound of newly turned earth in the shape of a grown man, and I didn’t want to go but I seemed drawn to it. When I reached Jug i fell and reached out to touch the soft dirt. “He didn’t want this”. I turned to Sweet Pea and gestured to the burial plot that would soon get a headstone with his name in stark final letters, maybe even a quote from one of his books. “Jughead didn’t want to be buried, he wanted to be cremated”

Jug joked about where to keep his ashes under my new marital bed or in the glove compartment had been offered as options. He joked about the where but he was sure about what. He never wanted a grave that drew people to it; he didn’t want to be immortalized that way. His books had done well and there was a large group of beloved fans, he hated what the masses had done to Jim Morrison’s grave in France. “There is no peace in it” he once told me and I wished I’d asked more questions, really understood why he didn’t want it so I could now hold the true weight of my last sin against him. 

I looked up at Sweet Pea scrunching my nose “I did it for the kids. I thought they would need a place to visit. I thought -” It would be the thing that fucks them up the least “Do you think I’ll go to hell for dismissing his request” I laughed bitterly tears at the edge of my eyes. 

Sweet Pea leaned down and pulled me up and I found that I wanted to go “He would have understood, he never thought he’d be gone so soon”

“No he didn’t” I smiled weakly he was sure he would die in his sleep in old age, or at least he promised me that. It had been a running joke and promise all wrapped up in one. My stomach growled. 

“When did you last eat?” Sweet Pea asked and I couldn’t remember. I pretended to eat a couple of the meals that my mother had brought me but I had thrown them out instead.

“Ok we are going to get some food in you and then I’ll take you home”

Sweet Pea black car was quite far down the little lane of the graveyard and it blended in so well with the dark scenery that I thought someone must have stolen it, but who would dare steal a Serpents car was beyond me. 

I slide into the leather interior after Sweet Pea had opened the door for me, the blast of hot air hit me as soon as he started the car, for extra measure he turned on the seat warmers. I wondered if it had gotten colder since I woke up and surely it must have but I also didn’t have Sweet Peas chest to draw warmth from anymore.

As we drove down Olin Ave Sweet Pea spoke “Do you want to go to Pops or somewhere else” him knowing as well as I do that this late Pops was one of the few and best places open. 

It seemed ridiculous to past by Pops to go somewhere inferior so I answered against my feelings, “Pops is fine” but whether or not it really was, I wouldn’t know till I tried. How many times have I gone there with Jugheads arm around my waist. 

Sweet Pea parked parallel to Pops and turned off the ignition, but neither of us moved the lack daring each of us to be first. “First time I saw you it was right there” Sweet Pea broke through my grief with the memory and I turned looking past him out the driver window. He looked over at me “Remember that? You came up gorgeous and cocksure and I knew right then the club would never be the same.” he was distracting me and it was working. 

I smiled “ I remember you making some kind of sexual comment about taking me home” I offered and Sweet Pea chuckled “I’ve always spoke my mind “ he said “but that was before I knew who you were, before you became Reaper” 

“That was a long time ago” I shook my head looking straight ahead at the cars driving past.

“Only 7 years” Sweet Pea continued looking at me “and you don’t look any older” he said with a grin

“liar” I said and Sweet Pea grin turned to a smile.

“Why don’t I go in and order some food to go”

I nodded I just couldn’t do it, not tonight, Sweet Pea started the car again “I’ll be right back”

I watched him go in and order from the pretty brunette waitress that was trying to get more then Sweet Peas order but he appeared oblivious, which seemed unlike the Sweet Pea I knew. After he ordered he walked down to a table and started a conversation with a family I didn’t know very well cause their kids where quite a bit younger than mine. But like most small towns I knew the Mitchell’s to see them.

I wondered how Sweet Pea was acquainted with them, he must have known them in high school. How much more time would I have had with Jughead if we hadn’t moved away? Maybe we would have fought about something in our hormonal teen years and never ended up together or perhaps we would have just grown apart not realising what we could have been. I wanted to believe that the wasted time had served a purpose but I suspected it was just wasted, and now it was just a numb dull void.

The brightly lit booths of the dinner where on display for me, I could hear the complete conversation between Sweet Pea and the Mitchell’s even without the audio. They were framed perfectly in the square window, an iconic wholesome Rockwell scene and I couldn’t help but despise them all for it.

“Oh Sweet Pea what are you doing back in your old stomping grounds” my overly feminine false voice filled the car

“I’m here for Jugheads funeral” my voice lowered doing my best Sweet Pea impression.

“Oh, I heard about that, I’m so sorry for your lose. Has your wife come as well?” On cue they looked out the diner window into the parking lot and despite myself, even though I knew that I was too far away to be seen I sunk as low in the seat as I could obstructing my vision of them.

“Oh, no women has ever managed to pin me down” I continued as Sweet Pea the best I could with my chin on my chest.

“Oh Sweet Pea why haven’t you settled down? you are such a catch” still crouched I envisioned a playful touching of the shoulder her husband be dammed.

“Why Mrs. Mitchell it’s because I’ve always been in love with you” 

“Oh plot twist” I said under my breath as if I was a mere spectator

“Oh Sweet Pea take me now” I sighed 

“In front of your husband Mrs. Mitchell? “ I paused. I could never remember her bloody name it was one of those names that sounded like 30 others started with a K or a S or C - Oh well I couldn’t let my forgetting her name stop me.

“Yes Sweet Pea fuck me right here on the table. Children please advert your eyes. Oh Sweet Pea right there that’s the spot right there. Yes Yes YESSSSSS” I made her screeched of ecstasy as high pitch and annoying as possible

“Oh Mrs. Mitchell That hit the spot just like one of Pops milkshakes” I changed octaves and added my best manly groan.

The knock on the window jerked me up so fast I hit my head on the car roof, Sweet Peas wide grin let me know that he had heard enough. “Want to open the door for me?” he asked and I quickly complied.

I looked out my window beat red from embarrassment, Sweet Pea got in with the food. And put the car in drive. We made it a couple blocks before Sweet Pea commented “Right here on the table huh? Can’t say I usually go for married women.” he smirked looking at me and sipped some of his milkshake. Now there were a few ways to play this, be completely mortified or spin it. I decided to pretend that I was indeed not the least bit bothered at him catching me. “Well I had to entertain myself somehow you took my phone” well he had taken my clutch, with the gun and my phone and put them in the trunk.

“I’ve missed your unique imagination Reaper” p>

“Betty” I corrected him

He didn’t comment


	3. and the bud of the bud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty finds out more.

When he went South again and turned on Lubberts lane I looked over at him “Where are we going?” I asked because my house was not this way. “My place at Crystal Lake”

I paused a moment to take in what he said “You have a place at Crystal Lake?” 

“Gear’s old place he left it to me when he died. I fixed it up”

I knew that Gear had an isolated lake lot, i’d even seen it once and it had looked inhabitable. “When exactly have you been fixing it up? You never visit” I asked  


A heavy silence filled the car between us “I do, I usually come back for at least a couple weeks in the summer and a few in the winter” 

I was stunned my mouth opened but I didn’t know what to say. Sweet Pea and I were friends or we had been even though I knew our lives grew drastically apart. “Jughead will be chocked...” I stopped myself, I hadn’t meant for it to come out. To infuse guilt or more grief into this day. p>

Sweet Pea sighed as we continued down the moonlight road “He does know” he paused “He had known. Jughead helped me with the renos sometimes”

The past tense and his words slammed into my chest.

“Oh” it was me that had been in the dark. It hurt more than I expected it to, it hurt more than I thought I was capable of feeling right now.

Sweet Pea turned to me in my peripheral “It’s not like that. You were busy with the kids I didn’t want to waste your time” but he’s excuses felt empty as they fell in half truths.

“How long?” I interrupted the ringing in my ears.

“What?” Sweet Pea glanced sideways at me to gage my real question.

“How long did you come back here for? How many summers and winters?”

“A couple” Sweet Pea offered giving nothing else.

I frowned looking over at him my eyes narrowed, “Meaning?”

“4 or 5”

“Years?” I blinked “You really need to learn the definition of a couple. So basically since you left?” Gear had died a little less than a year after I had Jack

‘Ya” he admitted “Reaper…”

He started but I was long past enough. “My name is fucking Betty and just stop talking.”

It’s not that I hadn’t seen him in 7 years he had stayed in Riverdale for a year and a half after I joined the Serpents and then his feet got itchy and he wanted to move around a bit. After a talk with F.P the move over to the Nomads was the most logical decision. Then off and on when he’d come to visit town we would have him over for supper, and then nothing. He didn’t come back, or at least I thought so for the last two or three years. If I asked Jughead about him, he’d tell me about places that Sweet Pea had been and the tables that he had sat at for a while. Sweet Pea seemed to be living the life that I couldn’t anymore with the house and the kids and I was happy knowing he was out there living it, but the fact that he came back and didn’t want anything to do with me cut deep.

Even though a part of me didn’t blame him, I got boring I didn’t have much to offer no exciting stories like his. I couldn’t even relate to his life anymore. I know friends can fall apart but we had been so close there for a while when I first joined The Serpents and after I had got use to him in my life. Then he left and it had been hard even though I respected him wanting more of out there. Last I heard he was in New Mexico opening a new Chapter for us. 

We drove off the main road down half a mile to the waters edge. Sweet Pea parked and I got out, it was quiet and I couldn’t see any neighbours lights. It had that middle of nowhere feel but really wasn’t that far from town. I was struck by the lovely setting, the cabin was A framed and looked new. There was a deck that when around the right to the front. The yard was cleared and free of debris, which knowing Gear and remembering how it looked. “How much garbage did you have to haul out of here?” I asked

Sweet Pea groaned “You have no idea but there was also lots of scrap metal that I sold which almost made it worth it”

Sweet Pea’s bike was parked to the right of me and the light inside the house was on, the place looked lived in and a growing suspicion was rising in me “Sweet Pea when did you get here?” I turned to him wanting the truth. I felt on the edge of something and I knew that I could fall, that I would fall down into the unsure and black abbess depending on what he said next. 

Sweet Pea looked at me across the top of the car it was clear from his frown and squinting eyes he didn’t want to tell me, but Sweet Pea was anything but a coward.  
“Little over 2 weeks” he said looking out past the house to the moon lite serene lake. 

“Two weeks” I said aghast “Did you see him … did you see Jug before?” I mean he must have he had a whole week to see him before, even in my anger there was a mix of relief for him./p>

Sweet Pea nodded solemnly coming around the car. No I thought stepping back, no. He looked so sad and I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say but I longed for it. I was desperate for every possible detail he might be able to share of something Jug had said just a week ago or did. Sweet Pea was like finding a buried box of money I hadn’t known was there.

“I’m the one that drove him to pick up his bike” 

I shook my head “No he said” I tried to remember that morning, a week but hundreds of years ago. I was trying to get the kids out the door for school, Jack was being exceptionally difficult he hadn’t slept well the night before he was having nightmares, and Jug had asked me if I could drop him off to pick up his bike. He was excited to drive it for the first time this season. I told him that I couldn’t that I was running late and I had a meeting after that I was going to be late for but I had said all of this not thinking of him. I was already frustrated and I could have made it work I could have taken him who cares if I was a little late, but I wasn’t thinking about him. I hadn’t know it would have been my last moments with him and I had squandered them. He had kissed me as I hurried past him and assured me that he would get a friend to drive him.

“You are the friend” I said trembling I don’t know why it mattered and really it didn’t except if maybe if I had driven him he wouldn’t have been in that intersection, never been hit. The possibles of all the different strings threatened to make me mad. The motto of what might have been pulsed through me like my heartbeat, maybe I wouldn’t be wearing black today, maybe I would be wearing that summer dress my mother had sent me from Florida.  
Maybe a lot of things. 

I needed desperately to still those thoughts and focus “What day?” I asked 

“What?” Sweet Pea asked so softly. He was so close I could feel his heat in the cold night.

“What day did you get here, what day of the week?” I asked looking up at him

“a Tuesday” Sweet Pea offered raising his hand to my face but he didn’t touch me.

I thought back to the Tuesday two weeks ago “Jane has ballet lessons on Tuesday and it was a busy week for us but I would have moved around a project that I did on Friday, so I would have invited you over for supper Friday night.” I nodded decidedly “I would probably have made my lasagna that I know you like and tried out this sourdough bread recipe I found that looks good.”

Sweet Pea cursed under his breath shaking his head, I knew I was putting him in an awkward position and I don’t know what I expected from him in response. I just needed to mourn what could have been, how even though he was still here and Jughead was gone I had in a way been robbed of both of them, robbed of moments and an evening that would have meant so much more to both of us now.

“I don’t like your lasagna, I love it” I looked up at his admission. His face was strong, hard but so very familiar to me. I found it oddly comforting but if I’d saw him in an alley I doubt I would have thought so. 

“Well I make and can my own tomato sauce now from tomatoes I grow in our community garden plot so it’s really a thousand times better than it used to be”  
Sweet Pea stepped back and I wrapped my arms around myself tighter, his gaze was steady “I failed you I know I did, I fucked up and I can’t take any of that back. I was selfish but I’m here now, and this talk about your lasagna has my stomach in knots so can we go inside and eat the inferior substitute?” his brows raised “I wouldn’t dare ask for a truce but how about a momentary stop in the crossfire?”

“A World War 1 Christmas day?” I offered and Sweet Pea smiled 

“A World War 1 Christmas day” he agreed

He lead me inside but the door wasn’t locked, the kitchen was just past the backdoor and beyond that was the living area in front of the amazing view of the lake. Sweet Pea put the Pops bag down on a small table in the kitchen. 

“You have a beautiful place here Sweet Pea” I offered but he just nodded with his broad back to me. The house wasn’t very large but inside with the tall roof it felt spacious and cozy and there was a woodstove that had some big furniture around it along with a bookcase that was surprisingly packed with books. I knew when I went over, a little of what I would find but others were a surprise. I pulled out the spine of one familiar hardcover and flipped to the front. “To my brother, may the road always rise up to meet you. Jug” 

I looked around at this place, that I had forgotten existed an hour ago. How is it that Jughead could be here as well? In the back of the book was one of our Christmas photos from two years ago, Jughead, Jack and Jane and my smiling faces where looking up at me. Every year I handed Jughead a few envelopes to people I didn’t have addresses for, Sweet Pea was always one of them, and Jughead would assure me that they would get where they needed to go. 

Maybe he had never mailed this one at all, maybe he took the envelope from me and drove across town and handed it to Sweet Pea. It stung like a loose tooth not fully liberated or a sore you just couldn’t help but poke. As much as I was trying to stab at the heart of it I was also doing everything in my power to not think about it, because if I did I’d have to come to an conclusion and really know that my husband was either lying to me or not giving me all the information. And this was a scary and uncomfortable place to be when I can’t go home after and yell at him for it.

We can’t have it out in any satisfying way that would lead to us working it out . I can’t have the bloody conversation reasonable or unreasonably in soft tones or hard because there isn’t a husband to fight with. There can’t be a conclusion and resolution to these thoughts just questions and only if I’m lucky aching unsatisfying understanding.  
“He never liked it.” Sweet Pea voice came from behind me “Every time I came home, he’d try to convince me to come over and see you guys. He’d tell me about what you and the kids were up to, this time he told me about the deck he was going to work on trying to get me to come over and help on it” I turned to look at Sweet Pea as he continued moving closer “He’d bug me about how this was a one sided relationship, how he helped me on the house but I left him to his projects alone.” Sweet Pea chuckled

Jughead had a way of making his wishes known ever using humor but he would never force someone to do something they had decided not to, unless it was necessary and club business.“He could have told me the truth that you were a lousy friend that didn’t want to spent time with me anymore” my voice had bite.

Sweet Pea put him hand on my shoulder his face darkening “Reaper I put him in an impossible situation, telling you would have hurt and god did he hate to see you hurt” He sighed dropping his arm “I mean over all he tried really hard to get me to see reason, considering” 

“Considering?” I blinked confused

Sweet Pea looked at me darkly, for a moment, gauging whether he should answer the question “Considering he was trying to convince a man that was in love with his wife to spent time with her.”

I blinked at the words, at him

“He never faulted me for it and he understood why I had to stay away even though he didn’t agree with it.” Sweet Pea dragged his hand through his hair in a way I hated “but it’s easy for him to feel that when he’s the one that had you. When he wasn’t the one that had to find some way to live without you”

Angry took over my brain as I roared in confusion “Why are you saying that? Why are you lying? That’s not going to make me feel better; I know I got boring and I didn’t go out with the club anymore doing the dumb shit we had before. I know my life became something that you didn’t want anything to do with. But don’t fucking lie about it!”

Sweet Pea mouth turned hard and his eyes flashed, his hands grabbing my shoulders hard. “I’m no saint but lying isn’t something I do, not to you and not about this” as if to prove the point he grabbed the back of my head and kissed me hard there was no softness or kindness in it, it was about taking. For too long I allowed him to do it, shocked as his lips moved over mine and then I pushed back with everything I had. He released me his arm falling useless to his side. He slouched and looked regretful “Betty I’m…” 

Finally, he finally said my name at the exactly wrong time, I was going to cry again I needed to leave. I ran past Sweet Pea and took the stairs up hoping to find a bathroom or someplace to collect myself but the top level was an open bedroom with a large bed which I went into and hid like a child under the blankets trying hard not to cry too loudly because he was downstairs and on top of everything else I desperately needed him not to hear me. 


	4. and the sky of the sky of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty finally gets some sleep

I had cried myself to sleep, I only realised when I came to with a shifting of the bed. Even though nothing had changed crying it out and sleeping a little seemed to make everything so much better. I slowly pulled down the heavy brown cover, just enough to look at the intruder. Sweet Pea was on the other side of the bed, on his back, his arms behind him head much like they had been in the grass. 

“I’m sorry I’m an emotional wreak” I said meekly from my blanket cave, Sweet Pea eyes held remorse as he turned to me. “The fault, in all of this, is on me Doll. I always wanted you in my bed, this just wasn’t really what I had in mind” I smiled sadly and Sweet Pea smiled back. “Why don’t you change into something of mine that’s more comfortable and sleep a bit more. It’s been an exhausting day for you” 

I turned to the wall of windows beyond the bedroom loft, it was still dark outside and I didn't think I had slept very long. I needed to be home when the kids woke up but it really didn’t matter where I slept besides I blushed not wanting to voice the truth. I wasn’t sleeping well because I had to do it alone, when Jughead was alive the few nights we were apart were ones I never sleep well. I was used to having a warm body beside me and I knew this more than anything was the reason that I fell asleep when me and Sweet Pea had been laying on the ground, not because I was exhausted even though that helped, but I’ve been exhausted all week.

I nodded and Sweet Pea got up and moved to a dark oak dresser, I untangled myself farther from the sheets “You can change in there “Sweet Pea gesturing to a bathroom I missed when I came in. 

I went in and took off my dress throwing the hateful thing on the floor. I washed my face with soap, and used his toothbrush thoroughly rinsing it well before and after. When I emerged Sweet Pea sat at the edge of the bed much like I had seen him all day still in his dress shirt and pants. I was elated to finally get out of my dress, “Why don’t you change, you have to be uncomfortable, than we can sleep.” I offered looking down at the bed. Sweet Pea large and beautiful hands pressed down sinking into the bed on either side of him. His eyes questioned if I meant it and I couldn’t help the blush rising in my cheeks, but I nodding understanding he was cautious but it’s not like I was suggesting he get naked we could be adults about this. 

Sweet Pea got more clothes leaving me in the room with the bed, that now after I had thoughtlessly made my offer of comfort, seemed to be a different sort of animal, I don’t know where the line was or if we crossed it already. Was I really going to sleep in a bed with a man the day of my husband’s funeral?  
I sighed getting into the bed well it’s not like he had a spare bedroom, most of his friends didn’t even know he was here or maybe they did it was just me. I pushed the rest away I didn’t want to think about it now. I did my utmost to shut of my brain, thinking just hurt anyway. When Sweet Pea got into bed I turned into him working on 50% instinct and 50% need, I didn’t need sex but I needed to be close or held by someone that cared about me. I needed comfort and my mom never had been good at physical affection. I didn’t realise how important, paramount in fact, to health and wellness touch was until it was instantly gone.  
After a moment of hesitation Sweet Pea put his arm around me, closing the circle. “Goodnight Reaper” 

“Goodnight “

The sun was bright and it took me a moment to realise where I was, the who came easier. Sweet Pea was wrapped around me, at one point we had moved and Sweet Peas arms and legs had wrapped around me like an affectionate octopus. The entangled look I’m sure didn’t look quaint or flattering from a top photographic view but it was surprisingly comfortable. It was also inappropriate and a cage, a cage of limbs. “Sweet Pea” I said trying to pull away but his tentacles just snagged me closer like a Chinese finger trap. It was quicksand the more you struggled the more you sink.

“Sweet Pea I can’t breathe” I said in his ear and that’s when one eye of the beast opened to take in the scene “Reaper” he said sensibly as if we had just bumped into each other and he was saying hello.

“Could you release your starfish grip on me?” I said thinking of all those rows of teeth. Though not sharp I knew firsthand how this man’s body was a lethal weapon all by itself.

Sweet Pea one eye was definitely considering, it looked at me like it was trying to solve a complicated equation and he didn’t want to make his first move until he knew all the players on the board. There was an adorable quality about it that I needed to shut it down right away.

“I need to pee” instantly I was free, like the oceans coral there one second, vibrant and free and then gone in the moment a predator was near.  
“Those are the magic words huh” I said sitting up annoyed.

“I am a practical man” he said smiling before he turning fully into his stomach his face in the pillow.

When I came back into the bedroom, I still couldn’t find the accursed dress “my mother must be going mental the kids can be a handful when they first wake up.” Then I saw it, my dress, Sweet Pea had folded it and put on dresser. I really didn’t want to get back into it, never in fact wanting to get into it again. “Does my mom know where I am?” not that I had to check in with her but she was looking after my kids.

“I told her that you were spending the night” the muffled reply came from the bed

I paused “Great” I said softly in the light of day perhaps staying wasn’t the best call but It was too late to regret it now and I really didn’t. I slept through the whole night and I haven’t been able to do that since Jughead…

I looked back at the bed “I’m stealing your clothes.” I said in my mother voice that brokered no argument “Get up lazy head. I need you to drive me home” The lazy head thing was something I called my kids, but it felt different in the context of this huge lumbering figure that lay there, seeming deceptively benign.

Sweet Pea turned to look at me “One thing you should already know about me is that I’m not really a morning person” and I did. It wasn’t often that club business required an early start but when it did Sweet Pea needed a pot of coffee all his own.

“Comes with the bad ass biker life style I guess” I mocked him putting a hand on my hip “Booze and babes at night…” 

“Silence in the morning preferably” Sweet Pea said holding his head and groaning good naturally. 

I scoffed picking up the rest of my things “Then definitely never have kids because silence goes right out the window” And silence was Sweet Pea response, I don’t know what I said but the mood changed from jovial to Sweet Pea looking at me deeper with something more. It had always been like that with him sometimes he was so hard to read, anything I saw was just the rippling of the surface hinting at the layers of depth underneath.

“I’m going downstairs” I said uncomfortable with his gaze he didn’t hold back his intensity to put anyone at ease. “I’ll be waiting” I threw back as I walked slowly down the stairs. On the table the untouched bags from last night still sat and the milkshakes where on the counter soaking through the cups making liquid rings on the black marble. I quickly cleaned it up; putting the food in the fridge he might want it later. I tossed the melted shakes out.

I guess he hadn’t ate last night either he must be starving; I could hear him on the stairs coming down at least two at a time. I turned when he came in; he was wearing a clean light grey shirt and jeans. “Hey do you want to have breakfast with me and the kids? I usually do waffles on Sat morning” 

The look that he gave me was surprise and hesitation, I tried to retrace my hasting offer “I just noticed that you hadn’t eaten and sorry I wasn’t thinking. Hanging out with two loud kids when it’s still morning You don’t have to I...”

“I’d love to” Sweet Pea interrupted 

Now it was my turn to gauge him, shit did I just make this awkward? Did he think I was hitting on him, I mean he wouldn’t would he? I was just a mom I feed people. “You sure?” I asked again looking up at him.

Sweet Pea frowned slightly taking me in “I don’t generally have to repeat myself. People know when I say something I mean it” I remembered last night and what he had said.

“I know Sweet Pea” I wiped my hands on his dish towel my tone dismissive “but I also know you have a big heart and would probably have pity on the poor widow wither you really wanted to or not.” 

He crossed his muscular arms frowning down at me “You think me coming over to your house, so that you can cook and feed me is a pity move?” A sly smile transforming his face 

“No I don’t, I just saying it could be” why was talking to him so hard sometimes why did what he said or meant matter so much? 

Sweet Pea took a step closer so that he was towering over me and tucked a wild strand behind my ear.  
“I think that you would save yourself a lot of problems if you just took me at my word”

I bit my lip “ok” I relented “then we better go.”

The drive was mostly silent I knew I should end the silence in case it was awkward but I honestly didn’t know what to say or where to begin. Maybe more true was that the silence between us was in a way comfortable and it required nothing from me other just to be. 

When Sweet Pea drove into my driveway I looked up at the two story character house as if it was an unfamiliar thing. I remembered the feeling I had when me and Jughead had first drove to look at it, how it was this new, possible, but scary thing. We had loved our oasis in the woods but it wasn’t assessable by road which was part of its charm but hauling the children and the things that they required through the clubhouse or through the forest had gotten old. And the town wouldn’t let us build a driveway off the closest road, so we had moved. At first it was just an idea and then Jughead drove us to this driveway.

Sweet Pea opened the passager door startling me, “oh thanks” I blushed hoping he didn’t think that I had waited on purpose. “Can I have my purse now?” We had never talked about why he took it and I swayed on my feet a little as I got out waiting for his answer I mean it was all ridiculous anyway.

“Sure” he said going into the back and opening and closing his trunk. He looking up at the house then back at me “Look, I’m going to be around for a bit so if you need anything.” He paused and I was surprised by his words, surprised and annoyed for some reason ”If you need to talk or not talk, just promise me you’ll call me if you ever need to.” his sly smile broke the seriousness of what he was saying even though I know he meant every word.

I held out my hand for the purse “You mean if I think that eating a bullet would be a delicious treat?” I said sarcastically shaking my head.

“That would be an example of a good time to call” he said handing the purse over.

“I’d love to but I don’t have your number I” I said dismissively, catlike turning around.

“Well I’ll make sure you get it” he said as I went to the front door. I moved to open the door but Sweet Pea thick arm barred my way.

“I going to have to hear you say it.” Sweet Pea said in his soft spoken demand

“What promise? That if I’m thinking of killing myself that I’ll give you a call first?” I was peeved

“Something to that effect”

I hated that he was trying to make me do this, that his way of handling the situation was forcing a promise out of me, His way of making me obey got under my skin.

I decided to take the high road though “I wouldn’t do that Sweet Pea. I would never do that to my kids”

“I don’t think a lot of people know what they are capable of” his intense overbearing eye contact made the high road disappear.

I practically hissed at him “Why make me promise? Words can easily be broken” my mind when to all the times Jughead had promises in this house to never leave me.

Sweet Pea shrugged” I’m not talking to most people I’m talking to you. If you promise me something I know it’s as good as done”

I blinked taken aback, was that true? Not that I went around saying things that I didn’t mean but yes with some people like Sweet Pea and Jughead, who valued words as important. To them whoms word meant everything I made sure to not break that trust. “I promise I’ll phone you” I said giving in.

“Whenever you need anything” he added and I glared at him because he really meant when I needed something he expected me to phone him it wasn’t an empty grief offering.

“If I need anything” I added

“Ok then” he said opening my front door following behind me into the dark.


	5. of a tree called life;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Pea comes over for Waffle Saturday

When we got inside I couldn’t hear the kids, even though by now they usually would be crawling off the walls especially if they hadn’t been feed. I walked into the family room at the back of the house to see both my kids cuddling with my mom and F.P on the couch watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” again.

“Hey guys” I said interrupting their focused rapture of the school dance on the screen, even though they knew what would happen. It being a movie we had watched many times as a family together.

“MOM!!” the excitement was instant and palpable. It was a wave of the best feeling in the world, second only to them hugging me. “Jane, Jack how are my babies?” I said trying not to cry.

“We aren’t babies” Jack said in his pouty face that made him look so much like Jug, and embodied the spirit of his namesake Jack Kerouac. Jughead and I had some heated discussions about that one, as we had over the book, but in the end i had relented. Especially when Jug had promised me complete naming rights on our next born. We hadn't decided on what to do if there was to be a third but that was motto now. 

“No, of course not” I said stroking his unruly bed hair, they were still in their p.j’s “It’s just that no matter how old you get you will always be my kids.” This conversation verbatim to other ones we have had, it was nothing new and would happen again unless… I hugged them harder to my side.

“Mom where were you?” Jane asked seriously her lip quivering a little as she looked at me, which meant that it was important to her, that I had inadvertently hurt her. I’m guessing because I wasn’t here when she woke up and it scared her.

“I’m sorry love.” Pulled her close hugging her again and in a cheerful voice I didn’t feel “Who wants waffles?” I said avoiding the question.

“ME! I DO” my kids squealed I loved them like this exactly like this because one day I realistically thought nothing I said would interest them much, Jughead had been more optimistic.

“Guys go get the mixed berries from the freezer” I said organizing the troops and they ran to get to it first.

I watched them leave and shortly after Sweet Pea came and stood in the doorway making no move to approach. I turned back to my mom “Sorry I’m late and for everything.” I remembered for the first time my embarrassing behavior yesterday at the funeral. There were too many things to think of, important things, and with everything some of it got lost as if I couldn’t see it all at the same time because my brain couldn’t cope.

Alice Jones looking at me “We were fine Betty” she said assuring me but then her eyes went lower as she noticed Sweet Peas clothes and whether she meant it or not I felt judged. Fuck I thought turning to F.P who was hanging back about to explain but Mom squeezed my shoulder and interrupted a conversation I didn’t really want to have “I’m going to make sure the kids don’t make a mess” she offered leaving.

Surely they, F.P wouldn’t think anything had happened between me and Sweet Pea. F.P couldn’t think I would do that to Jughead, noticing my questioning look F.P came forward with a small smile and gave me a bear hug. 

“How’s my girl?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice and eyes. I looked down embarrassed “I’m sorry F.P for you having to spent the night.” F.P had lost his only son and seemed more together then I was.

“Don’t apologize” F.P said a little angry which made me look up again but his eyes were just grieved. “We are just doing what we need to do. You know?” and I did “Jug never would have dreamed that he was going to leave you on your own with the kids” F.P looked behind me in Sweet Pea direction. “He’d want you to survive and be happy”

I’m sure my whole body turned blood red; did he really think I had replaced Jughead so quickly, with another Serpent of all things? That I had slept with another man the night of his funeral? Well I did but not like that.

His face returned to one of concern “I’m going to take your mom back to the club to get some sleep” F.P paused “she didn’t get much last night” I nodded knowing how she must be worrying about the kids. F.P hugged me again and started walking out, making sure to clasp arms with Sweet Pea on the way. Then he looked back at me “Make sure our girl gets to the Pit meeting tonight.” he said it off handily to Sweet Pea. He had mentioned something about it yesterday about Pit tonight but I had been too out of it to really remember anything other than that.

“Of course” Was Sweet Pea reply as F.P left.

“Pit meeting?” I asked 

“Tonight at 7”

“Why do I need to be there I haven’t been to a pit meeting in years?”

Sweet Pea sighed coming closer his face sharing F.P concern, “Well for one thing leadership”

I shook my head “Sweet Pea I love the club you know I do but I don’t give a fuck about anything club related right now”

Sweet Pea nodded and didn’t seem surprised looking down at me “Regardless you still might want to come.”

His dismissal angered me “Sweet Pea I just said…”

“…Seeing as you are now technically the President.” 

I could hear the kids in the kitchen banging the cabinet doors getting ready for Waffle Saturday, my mommy instincts told me to get in there before they made a mess but I was frozen, a statue. I couldn’t be more surprised if Abraham Lincoln came into my living room and asked me to dance. 

“Reaper Breath” Sweet Pea looked a cross between amused and concerned.

“What… but…no I….” my mouth couldn’t keep up with my thoughts the many, many thoughts. Finally I settled on one.

“That’s ridiculously it’s a motorcycle club not a fucking fiefdom.”

Sweet Pea’s eyebrow rose with a grin that I wanted to smack off his face. “It’s officially in our charter I assume to prevent upstarters trying to take over in a bloody coup. Leadership goes to the spouse if they are a member, or oldest offspring. That being said there will be a vote coming but the crown must always have a clear line from head to head or else anarchy.”

“I’m the president of the Riverdale Serpents?” I said knowing that’s what he said but needing to say it again. “Who knows this?” I asked 

Sweet Pea shrugged “The info is there for any member to know, but no you are not just the president of the Riverdale Serpents.” Sweet Pea paused with a slight smile “You are National President of the Serpents.”

Of course because we were the home chapter, “Sweet Pea I can’t. I haven’t done anything except be a stay at home mom for 5 years.”  
Sweet Pea frowned and stepped closer until there was only a foot and a half between us “You are Reaper you can and have done anything you set your mind to. Being a mother hasn’t diminished you only enhanced.” I blushed I loved his belief in me his unwavering faith all be it misplaced. He looked down so intently and I thought for a moment that he might kiss me but Jakes voice cut between us “MOOOOOOOOOOM!”

I stepped back “I’m coming”

The waffle making was fun if not a little awkward, Sweet Pea sat on one of the stools beside the kids overlooking the counter as I make them waffles with fruit and extra chocolate chips. Sweet Pea insisted me and the kids eat first and when I was done he eat a pile of waffles, as fast as I could make them and he entertained the kids, which was easy because they missed their uncle Sweet Pea, He had the allure that adults who aren’t around a lot have. The pull that’s banked for the times they are around that causes such desperate devotion.

Sweet Pea for them and me had become something of a legend, the free rider that went all around the country, sometimes world, helping with wherever was needed. Jug would regale us with children appropriate stories if Sweet Pea wasn’t present to share them himself. His Nomad status had turned into a full job when Jug became National President, because Sweet Pea was widely respected. It also came with an official title as The Fixer and the right to vote wherever he was seated, which usually was at a new or a problemed chapter. To the kids the term Fixer had become something like a superpower; they even used it around the house and on one another. The Fixer had made cuts hurt less and dollies found. In the real world Sweet Pea had done much the same with in artistic liberties that held back the blood or that special violence when someone was willing to do what needed to be done. Not that this ruthless power was always enacted but everyone knew that you would with cause. This had been what Sweet Pea had become; this was what the Club needed him to be.

The laughter of the three of them was such a gift that it brought a tears to my eye as I went into the fridge to put the juice away, taking the time to collect myself. When I turned around I almost ran into Sweet Pea chest, he was holding the syrup aloft. “Where does this go?”

“Oh In there” I said pointing to a lower door in the island. Sweet Pea put them away and helped me clean up while I sent the kids upstairs to get dressed. The familiarly of the small job of cleaning was comforting and controlled. When we were done Sweet Pea put on his Serpent jacket from where it was hanging on the chair. 

“I’ll pick you up at six thirty for the meeting” He stated making it clear that he was going without saying the words.

“I don’t have a babysitter lined up” I said the first thing I thought of even though a part of me wanted to just get out of this.

“It’s all good. I’ll send over one of the old ladies” he said as if that was that, I followed his sure movements down the hall towards the front door.

Unwarranted anger came over me “I noticed that no one bothered to asked me if I wanted to go tonight”

Sweet Pea stopped the green snake on his back going out of view as he turned to face me again. “Probably because we all know that you will always do what’s right by the club” It made me feel guilty because that’s who I wanted to be, who I had been, I just wasn’t sure if I was capable of being that person right now.  


Sweet Pea must have seen my doubt because he stepped forward and grabbed my chin, lifting my eyes to look at him. They were dark and deep with bottomless thoughts. I learned earlier upon knowing Sweet Pea that there was much more to him then he let show. “You were made for this life. I knew that the moment I saw you”

“The moment you saw me you were thinking no such thing.” I said remembering how he had looked at me with hunger when we had first meet. “Sweet Pea you were made for this, with your never settling down ways and bad boy tendencies, I chose a different road long ago” no matter how I might some days regret it, but I didn’t say that part it would just muddy the water.

Sweet Pea let me go, and really looked around at the house, at the calendar on the side of the fridge completely full of after school and weekend events, at the drawing the kids had done and I had framed and put on the table in the hall. My eyes followed his as if my mind was trying to get him to see it, trying to make him believe. The never empty basket of laundry at the bottom of the stairs that always needed to go upstairs, or the colored wall in the closet where Jack had got hold of the permanent marker. This was a place that we had tried to make safe for our children even if there was a cost even if we bleed instead. We had purposely made this life and the inner working of the club unable to mix, like oil and water. 

Then Sweet Pea eyes found mine, the intensity of his stare spoke of angry or huger or both “I would have done, I would have chosen all of this with you. I wasn’t made for the life I have, it was just the only one left.” and then he walked out my door and my heart that was already so battered and bruised broke just a little bit more.


	6. which grows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty goes back to the jacket and life.

We had an early supper and I wrangled the kids in to a fresh pair of pj’s. I had done all the laundry and got the house reasonably clean, or as clean as it can be with two children simultaneously occupying it.

I clean when I’m upset; I clean so I don’t feel like a complete failure. Even with the good sleep last night between the cleaning and the plethora of activities I kept the kids doing today, so there was minimum time for us to think or be sad, I was exhausted and wished I could sit down. But sitting leads to thinking which leads to cleaning and there the cycle goes again.

Despite Sweet Pea's suggestion I didn’t want anyone but Mom looking after the kids right now. She arrived shortly before Sweet Pea was due, and I went into the spare rooms closet and took out my leather jacket. It’s been hanging here since we moved in. Putting it back on was a thing of ease, it had been my second skin for so many years, even when I was heavily pregnant I wore it with pride. Giving it up had been a bigger sacrifice then I had known at the time, when I pretended, and then in truth become, the innocent mommy.

There was heavy knocking at the front door, and I knew whose hand it was reverberating through the house. “Ready?” Sweet Pea asked looking handsome and lethal, when I opened the door. His dark hair was still wet and he was wearing his standard dark t-shirt and jeans along with his matching jacket to mine, across his broad back and shoulders. I wondered if he had gone back to his cabin, maybe got some sleep, after he had left, after he had left me with his words that I had desperately been avoiding all day.

I grabbed my purse and called goodbye to everyone, I’d already hugged and kissed the kids. We walked to his car in silence which surprisingly had an shyness to it. Surprising because Sweet Pea was never ashamed or awkward if he thought he was in the right, and he always thought that he was in the right. “I showered at the club” he offered as we reached his truck. I looked at him confused. Was it really this bad between us now or was he just trying to fill the void? Maybe he was trying to say he couldn’t bare to go back to the cabin without me? I shook my head at the ridiculous thought; I felt like a teenage girl new to deciphering the world of men around her, I was too old for this shit.

Sweet Pea opened my door and I got in without comment or protest it was his way. Sweet Pea had always had his own sense of gentlemanly code. Doors he would open graciously, offers of his seat freely given to any female present but then in the next moment he could unabashedly, at times shamelessly, check out and make comments about any girl that caught his fancy, a trait he only got away with because he was so good looking. It bothered me to see him through the years use women like broken toys after he was done with them, but for people he loved, those in the club, he would protect and take on anyone that didn’t give proper respect. There were men that had given Toni and me the same obvious interested looks and said the same things I’ve heard out of Sweet Pea mouth but god save them if he heard it. Many a guy has ended up on the ground bloody that way.

He got in but didn’t say anything more or start the engine. We just sat in the silence for a while, I looked at him to understand the delay and he caught my eye “Open the glove compartment”

“Glove compartment” I blinked confused looking forward at the hardcover compartment, I pulled forward the leaver and the door swung up. Inside was as I’d expect, the vehicle manual and some papers, but on the side was a thick letter in an off white envelope that looked like it had been travelling around for a while. I glanced at Sweet Pea as I reached forward my fingers landing on the thick compact package, turning it to reveal my name in bold black ink. I held the letter with two hands almost reverently not understanding just how but knowing it was important. Sweet Pea looked me in the eye for a moment, took a deep breath and started the truck.

“What is it “I cringed at the obvious question but I knew it was more than it appeared. 

“Something I meant to give you a long time ago.” He pulled out of my driveway “You don’t have to read it now or any time soon. I actually prefer if you didn’t. I just needed you to get it”

The corners of the envelope were worn from friction that had brought up the paper fibers as if it had been carried around for awhile, he hadn’t written this today or even recently and that thought made me slip in into my purse without farther questions.

The drive to the Wyrm was short, but that was the case going anywhere in this town. I got out of the truck before Sweet Pea could open it for me, his frown was clear but I ignored it. I walked to the bar door, took a breath and walked inside, there were a lot of old faces and some new. It seemed like everyone had a drink and some food. I smiled and shook some forearms while I made my way to the bar I wasn’t really in the mood for small talk and I think everyone understood that. I could feel more then see Sweet Pea shadow behind me as the way cleared for me at the bar. I nodded appreciatively and turned to the prospect bar-tending, I didn’t know him and he looked at me confused for a moment “Jack neat” I said. That was when the precept looked at my jacket startled, and it was then that I remembered again what I was to the club. It was one thing to conceptualize it and another to see the brown haired bartender that seemed far too young for the gig, fumbling with his words and my glass moving to fill my order. “Of course…. Sorry I… Yes Pres.”

It seems silly that I had for the most part forgotten that I was now President of the club, which I had managed for most of the day, but in my defense there have been a few things that Ive been trying not to think about. The more numb I was the easier it was to cope but also the more everything got permanently fuzzy and out of perspective. Pretty much anything could happen right now in this bar from a stampede of elephants to a real elephant man and I would look at it with little reaction. I turned to take in the room, Sweet Pea was at my side talking to the club treasurer. Also there was a six foot black wood statue of a striking snake, I’d never seen before a few feet inside the front door that I definitely should have noticed coming in. Oh right one of the joys of grief, sometimes you can’t see what's right in front of you. 

Despite my forgetting who I was no one else seemed to, everyone was giving me that awareness that they had around Jug, even though most were not looking at me directly. I guess I was the boss now and I might as well act like it.

When the nervous kid came back with the whiskey I looked him over with the president approved sternness “What’s your name Prospect?”

“I’m Anderson, Mrs. President”

“You can drop the Mrs., the title is gender neutral, you didn’t sing Mister President to Jughead did you?” 

From his confused look at my movie reference I could see that it had gone over his head, “Marilyn Monroe?” I offered generously.

Anderson shook his head he had clearly never heard of her, Jughead would be appalled. I couldn’t help a small grin “ Anderson, by next Pit you are going to have educated yourself” he nodded enthusiastically “You and for that matter any other prospect who haven’t watched them as going to revel in the delights of “Seven Year Itch”, “Some Like It Hot” and….” I squinted at him “Do people really call you Anderson?” realizing suddenly that seemed very unlikely.

“No…” I swear he was going to say ma’am but he saved himself from a tongue lashing “They call me Smiles” 

“Smiles?” was it an intentional misnomer or was this kid just this nervous around me. “O.K. Smiles also watch “All About Eve” never underestimate the power of a cameo or an understudy.“ And then I understood the name when one appeared, he was one of those people whose smiles took up their whole face. That was a smile that lights up rooms and gains young girls hearts.

Smiles shifted from foot to foot “Jughead told me about this guy Hitchcock; I watched some of him. They were ok. He said it helped if I had my best girl with me.” Smiles was blushing very unlike the big bad biker he wanted to be. 

I know he didn’t mean it, but what he shared made me want to weep for joy but mostly it felt like he had punched me in the abdomen. That was me, that had been me, I had been someone’s in all the nostalgic - Beach Boys 50’s -outdated bullshit but wonderful glory. I had been the girl who was someone because of who I was with, I had been Jugheads girl. I tried to hide it for Smiles sake but when his disappeared I know I had failed him. 

“I’m sorry Pres.” he started eyes looking down but I shook my head. “No need” grabbing and drinking the whiskey like a shot. “Glad you are here with us Smiles.” shaking his hand over the now empty glass. “How about pouring a generous tumbler of our best Macallan, and have someone send it up to the office in 10 minutes” I gestured upstairs.

“Yes President” Smiles nodded eager to make up for the slight he didn’t actually make. He was allow to bring up Jug, it was just going to hurt like a motherfucker. He was so eager that he might put on a timer, I turned to go. Sweet Pea grabbed my arm, he had done a good job at being near but not too close. “Need company Reaper?” he asked his breath hot on my neck or maybe it was just the room or my grief threatening to overtake me, a fair warning. “Just need a few minutes” I managed and he let me go and I made my way to the stairs.

Prospect initiation was an important part of the club life, all under the belief that what isn’t earned can’t be valued. Having a time when you are doing tasks you don’t want to do for your family, makes one appreciate the journey in the end. Especially if the end makes you a full member patching into the Serpents, if your family agrees that you belong and have done good service. The Prospect trail usually takes a year but it can be earned quicker in blood and service like I had.

I walked to the top and went all the way down the hall opening the door to what had been F.P’s and then Jughead and I guess now my office. I moved to my desk and sat in my chair and on my bookshelves were my business diaries, my ledgers, my club meeting minutes (the official ones). Somehow it was now all mine even though I haven’t been in this club for years. The books of nonfiction that took up the top shelf must have been Jugheads addition. God bless F.P but he wasn’t much of a reader, though he dutifully read every one of Jugheads books. 

I leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling? When was the last time that Jughead had done this? What had he thought about, was it the kids? was it me? was it some aspect of club business that I hadn’t bothered to ask about? I had missed three years of being involved in the club life because of that traitor Bane. Three years ago, us members had sat around the Pit table trying to figure out how the Club was going to survive, because it wasn’t a matter of if we were all going to jail it was just a matter of how long. And Jughead and I had come the sobering realization that we would be leaving the children alone in the world, because all of their family - even their grandparents - were going to jail. 

So when we were saved that fate, me giving up this life I loved and the people that were family seemed the only answer to an impossible question. We wouldn’t leave our children parent less like Jughead had been when F.P had gone away. We had decided that the less I had to do with the club the better, so that next time the Feds knocked on our door they would only find a mother of two kids that was just married to the President. Nothing they would try to get me with would or could stick because I became the model citizen not just in fiction but in reality everything else was too much of a risk. Jughead would have told me anything I wanted to know about the Club but the time that we had after the kids were in bed became too precious to use for a business I was no longer a part of and after far too short a time even though I was a member of the Serpents you would be hard to find any evidence of that fact, which I guess was the whole point.

The near miss had also affected my mother and F.P, He officially stepped down and completely retired and took my mother to Florida for that better life. They had been just as fearful, but for lost time between them, just when they had found each other again. 

So our lives became normal, theirs involved seaside coffee in the morning and the retired life and mine play dates and home life. Then when they got older more and more activity’s, field trips and homework, ballet, soccer it all replaced the club I loved so dearly, the club I had to put firmly in the back of my life. I still make food for someone laid up with wounds but I no longer stitched them together myself. Now sitting here in the seat of power I wondered if it had been a mistake, we had prepared for only one fight and lost instead to an unforeseen battle. With Jughead gone this family that I had abandoned was the only really one I had left. 

A knocking at the door diverted my thoughts and it took me a moment to realized what was required “Come in” I spoke loudly and Smiles himself came in with a glass of the asked for liquor. Sweet Pea followed with two full plates and even though I had eaten before it looked delicious. Smiles handed me the glass and I nodded at him before he left, he didn’t need to be told to leave. I took a sip of the smooth scotch; I liked this new practice of someone serving me for once.

Sweet Pea got a chair from across the room and sat beside me making room on the desk for the plates but before we could start there was another knock at the door and I looked over at Sweet Pea and he rose a sly eyebrow and grin that seemed to say “What are you looking at me for?” I blushed. “Come in” and a women did. I didn’t know her but she was pretty with red hair and looked in her 30’s. She walked forward and from the lack of cut on her back I concluded that she was neither a member nor prospect, the way she was looking at Sweet Pea like he was water and she in the desert told me she at least knew him.

Stepping up to my new role I leaned back in the chair, till she looked at me and when she did she looked a little dazed. I held her gaze which make her start to squirm, I wondered if given a thousand years if I could ever master Jugheads powers of wordless obedience. It had amused me greatly that the only ones who didn’t shrivel under that look, doing whatever he wished or asked, was his children.

“Maggie needs your cut Prez” It was Sweet Pea that spoke “to put your new patch on before Pit” I don’t know why I was surprised by this but somehow having the patch on my chest would make it all too real. The only move I had was to stand up and comply, so I did taking off my Serpents Jacket and held it out to a red faced Maggie that quickly took it and left.

Sweet Pea chuckled beside me “Anyone doubting if you are lacking the persona of a president need only have seen that display.”

I sat back down at his proud censure “Well it’s not like I knew what she wanted. Did I?”

Sweet Pea laughed louder “No but I thought that you’d remember that in order for non-members to talk to the President they have to be spoken to first.” 

Now I’m sure I was blushing, but I concentrated on my food, me not following that rule almost got everyone and me killed, so he was right I should have remembered. That rule lead me to having to kill the man my sister loved. “Must have slipped my mind” I offered. Sweet Pea body shook in a low chuckle beside me.

After a few more fries I looked over at Sweet Peas cut, on the right side where his home chapter would be, where it used to say Riverdale, before some women took his cut. Maybe it had even been Maggie who had removed our town patch, replacing it with what was present now, and what would be the bottom rocker on his back, Nomads. Sweet Pea noticed my gaze as we ate silently and I wondered if he would ever settle in one place again. A part of me wanted to ask him to stay here but it was a selfish want and things were confusing enough. I took a rather forceful bite out of my hamburger thinking about it, no what I needed was to put distance between us not draw us closer.  
“When are you leaving?” I asked, it sounded like small talk but it wasn’t.

Sweet Pea looked at me with that calculating depth of his, he must have sensed it wasn’t an idle question but he did know me well. “I go where my President bids me.” The words sounded formal but his eyes were full of emotion I pulled back from.

“I thought you were setting up a new chapter for us in New Mexico. Aren’t you needed there?”

Sweet Pea shook his head “I was just helping with the growing pains, same as I’ve done before. The chapters President got a handle on it otherwise I never would have left” to have a secret vacation in Riverdale i finished for him. Remembering that he was here before all this disheveled mess.

“Why can’t you vacation in Cuba or something like a normal person” I said with a half grin

“I’m always travelling, the treat is to relax in a place I know” he offered between bites. I remembered his words yesterday and this morning and that I needed to address it before he left and put some finality to it.

Or i could do it now “Look I know emotions were high yesterday and things said” I started. Was I really going to do this now? why couldn’t I even just sit on it. “I acted like a complete basket case” I talked about it as if it had been an indiscretion of my youth, years ago instead of hours. “I thank you for your…help” I continued not knowing how to say it. Sweet Pea face keep getting darker and darker as I continue talking, I was messing this up I knew it and that made me angry at myself. Be clear, you are the leader, “What I need from you now, as your president, is for that shit to not happen” Sweet Pea expression was now at hurricane levels of danger but I knew I need never fear him, “Preferably never again” I added for good measure.

Sweet Pea eyes captured mine the dark depths taking my free will of thought and speech “And what shit would that be exactly?” he wasn’t letting me get away with my evasion half talk. His eyes drilling into mine and I cowardly looked away. 

“All that past fluffy feeling stuff. It is just not helping. Not that you are currently offering or anything”, it had all been past tense but the thought of even thinking about another man that way made me sick to my stomach. “OK?” 

He was silent and in the end more gracious then I deserved “Whatever you say President” His voice stoic.

The silence as we finished eating was awkward but not overly and before long Maggie came back in holding my jacket. I looked down at the new stitching around a black and white patch that said N.President. “This is crazy” I couldn’t help but say it aloud. I also didn’t want to put it back on, even though I knew the jacket didn’t bestow the power, Jugheads death had.

Sweet Pea in the end did it for me. He got up, took the jacket and helped me in it like Jughead had the first time I had received it. The memory made my head hurt and heart break, he looked at me seriously “You are going to be great and you’re not alone, Club is family” I nodded 

“It’s time” Sweet Pea gestured to the door.


	7. higher than soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty holds her first Pit Meeting as President.

Sweet Pea opened the office door gesturing for me to go first and I did walking ahead down the hall, when I reached the top of the stairs I looked down at the sea of my people, my family, and my club. Everyone was waiting, though some still had a drink in their hand, this is what we did. Pit started and ended with the President. Did Jughead ever feel weird standing in front of so many expectant faces? I always thought it had come naturally to him, he seemed born to be a leader, but maybe he had felt what I’m feeling nerves and self-doubt. He probably didn’t have the underling beating of anger due to needing to be here at all. Though who I was angry at, I couldn’t say, it seemed to change on the hour or minute.

But a good leader never shows that kind of weakness, not to those relying on them, or at least not in a motorcycle club. If this was some other club maybe we could sit around in a circle, hold hands and talk about our feelings but here that was weakness and weakness meant death. Death for you and those you loved. I needed to be strong even though I’ve never been less secure; my knowing of myself and the world seemed to leave with Jug.  
Walking down head high and shoulders back, I didn’t really know Jughead as the President, when he took over I was pregnant or keeping the planned distance. To me he was mostly just Jug the guy who loved me even if he was giving me stern looks.  
When I got to the bottom I continued past the bar and towards the wooden double doors deeply carved with the ouroboros snake. A stoic brunette girl who looked in her 30’s opened the doors when I approached then returned to her stiff guard posture that would have rivaled a beefeater to the Queen. I moved past and descended down the wide and bright stairs to our meeting room, aptly named The Pit. I could hear everyone moving behind me, keeping the space but following me down.  
The door at the bottom was manned by Smiles but he managed to keep one off him face as I walked by. I took in the large empty room that sank another 18 feet down making it a round auditorium, of 200 seats. Needed because national meets where hosted here, because we were the original chapter.

Going down the steps had the same feel as going to a sporting event, concrete steps with benches, that lead all the way down to bottom, but instead of a team or a concert being on the floor level there was a 31 foot by 3 feet long wood table make of black Ebony, that sat over fifty members. It was a thing of extreme rarity and beauty, and was the first major decision Jug had made for the Club as President. My hand skimmed across the table’s hard surface as I walked around to my seat, trailing along the exquisite two toned dark grain. 

What had made it a major decision was that this wood was one of the most expensive on the planet and had cost a fortune even though someone knew a guy or had threatened a guy. Getting it out of Africa had been a feat much harder than any illegal maneuvering we have ever done here, but Jughead had wanted it and went to oversee the operation himself. At first I had been upset at the expense and the whole endeavour but then he had shared with me what it meant. This table stood as a legacy and a promise. 

Ebony wood could take any beating and due to its hardness not show any wear. The trees grow in rocky infertile soils where other plants couldn’t survive, and the tree that this table had come from was 208 years old. This table would be intact long after I was gone, long after my grandchildren, and great grandchildren, it was a promise that no matter what The Serpents would survive. It was Jughead’s twist to the Greek proverb, “A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in”. He had given us a table that not only could we gather around but people till the end of time. My throat tighten as I sat down in the long backed chair, he always was so dam cleaver.

Patch members took their seats, those visiting sat on the benches. F.P was in a bench in the front row. a placement of honor but retirement. Sweet Pea was on my right sitting at the end of the table which was an unusual privilege for a Nomad. but due to his position as a ranked Nomad, he had the right to sit and vote at any table he found himself. Toni sat to my right but what was surprising was the vacant seat to my left where my V.P Malachai should have been. 

When Smiles closed the doors I knew it was going to stay that way, no one was allowed to come in and interrupt the meeting after the doors were closed. Only exception to this was when non members were needed for questioning or some other unless aspect and couldn’t sit in for the whole meeting because they didn’t have full patch status. Much like I had the first time. Missing a Pit meeting was a serious offence, some clubs fined their members but here we just turned Toni, who was our Sgt of Arms, on them. By the time she was done with him he will have wishEd he could have just paid a dam fine.

I reached forward to grab the handle of the gavel carved into the body of the snake, but paused because beyond a shadow of a doubt I realised the last person to touch this carved wood was my husband. No one else would dare disturb the President gavel. It seemed like a sudden gift, but if I touched it then his essence would be gone covered with mine, like a balloon that had been popped. Maybe I could put it in a glass case with tongs so that no one ever touched it again and I could look at it knowing that this was something, that some trace of him had been left.  
My eyes looked up involuntarily finding Sweet Peas, and his held mine darkly with sadness and regret. I blinked uncertain about his regret and my brain starting to process it with all the efficiency of a trains chug up a steep mountain with the heavy payload of grief. Regret because I couldn’t keep Jug here. Regret because even if I put this gavel in a case or kept it in a museum approved humidly controlled box it wouldn’t ultimately make me feel any better. Regret because I had to pick it up now, I couldn’t give in to this particular widows madness.

I open my fist feeling as detached from my hand as I was from the arcade claw in the game. I watched as it grabbed the wood and brought down the fanged serpents head at the end. Loudly three time’s, wood came down to meet wood. “I open this pit meeting” my voice sounded as strong and sure as the wood had a moment before. I turned to Iron Clad on my left, on the other side of the empty chair “Secretary” I said it in a tone that suggested that he should take over and he did clearing his throat. 

He had papers in front of him and would be keeping records of the meeting. “We have gotten correspondence from all over the world acknowledging our loss” tears threaten to appear in my eyes but I shoved them back. Not here I rather die than cry here in my first duties as President. “Some wanting to set up some kind of fund or annual activity in Jugheads name” he looked over at me because it went under my jurisdiction as liaison between clubs. I bite my lip as hard as I could relishing in the pain I controlled. Dam the idiots that thought a spouse taking over right after the funeral was a good idea, though I doubt they could have foreseen how hard it would be. 

I needed to respond to Clad “Tell them that we will think of something appropriate and enact it at a later date.” Iron Clad nodded solemnly as if I told him the 10 commandments’ for the first time. “Anything from last meeting that needs to be addressed?” I asked Clad he would be the one to know.  
“Nothing pressing” he replying maybe knowing I wanted this to be done as soon as possible. I nodded looking to my right “How’s the money?” I asked Joaquin, as acting Treasurer he gave us the numbers in a crisp tone, we had a lot of money coming in. Money that made us comfort and should keep the members happy or at least I would have thought so, but after Joaquin’s report an eager beaver called for a motion to vote on going back to the drug running business. 

I pointed out to the greedy one that he was doing things out of order because really this was a topic that he should have taken to the V.P for him to raise, but given the circumstances I allowed it to move forward. It was hotly debated and I laid back and listened, most of a meeting wasn’t the President talking, I just moderated things, which at the moment I was thankful for. I caught myself catching Sweet Pea eye to which I awkwardly immediately looked away, which got me a glimpse of a smirk before I turned pretending to look at everyone equally. His smirk burned my cheeks because these kinds of things always looked as obvious as you feared.

Drugs I told myself focus on the drugs, I could have given my opinion but I knew it would never get passed, too many of us remember the last scare with the law. It had become too much risk and not enough reward, the police had a hard on for drugs dealing even though most what anyone dealt these days were pain meds like Percocet and Oxyc or steroids. We had left it behind and turned to other means to make money, and they were lucrative with very little risk. When it came time I didn’t get to vote and thankfully the vast majority saw it as I did. In fact my only contribution for 40 whole minutes was warning Ink, who was getting out of hand yelling over everyone, that if he didn’t clam down I’d get the Sgt of Arms to throw him out and if I ever needed proof of the power of my title he immediately did, Toni on the other hand looked disappointed. 

After Clad called out that the vote had been defeated, it came back to me. “Any other business” I asked looking left and right, as a full member sitting at this table all had the right to speak within reason, complains and whining were to be taken to the V.P and he’s share it with me and we would decide if it needed bringing to the table. Usually this would be the time for the V.P to share that which fell into club purview or introducing new information, rules, or business that we had already talked about between us. 

Toni spoke instead “Poison is coming nine months in the program. She’s done us honor and been flawless in her duties. We should be talking about making her permanent” Toni looked up and down the table solemnly because it was a solemn thing to add a member to this table and just because someone was on the program didn’t mean they made it to a seat. I wondered if Poison was the serious looking girl at the doors.  
We had to trust each other implicitly with our lives and our freedom, which is why we vetted any prospect thoroughly and had a strict unforgiving regiment for them. If they couldn’t be straight for a year there wasn’t much change for forever. From the looks down the table I could tell that most liked her and Toni must approve she was introducing the idea early, most prospects did the full year. Toni was in charge of the duties and disciplines of the Prospects, along with their sponsors, and she was usually a stickler for the minimum one year period, because coming in her grandfather hadn’t cut her any time and she had been a prospect a year and a gruelling day. Like some of those that had been through the harsh process, I suspect she got a kick out of doing the same to those that come after labelling it as building character.

A big ginger to my left named Boulder was about to speak when a commotion at the doors captured our attention, all eyes turned to a guy tall with dark haired that even with his black clothes it was clear he was covered in blood or maybe it was his hands that gave it away he held them out like a recently feed zombie. He stumbled, he might be in shock due to blood loss. Smiles was behind him clearly not knowing what to do, and I was up and half way down the table before I realised I had moved, keeping my eye on the guy as he walked down sure that at any moment he was going to fall down the stairs and break his neck.  
As soon as I reached Sweet Pea he grabbed my arm stopping me, in his other hand was a gun, even though guns at the table was against club rules. At which point It occurred to me that there might still be danger, no one else had moved, and I wasn’t sure if it was the surprise of it all or because I hadn’t ordered them to. 

“Toni” my voice sounded so loud in the silence “Unlock the firearms cabinets” gesturing up to my right at our weapon stash “Everyone get a gun and make sure the club house is secure, and somebody get me medical supplies.” That was one thing we didn’t keep down here an oversight I would remedy. Everyone broke apart efficiently like worker ants, lining up to the left stairs to get a weapon. I moved to go towards the guy who had by some miracle made it to the floor. Sweet Pea strong hold stopped me; he was still eyeing the staircase out. “let go of me” His stormy eyes didn’t even blink indicating he heard me. “Sweet Pea” I said in that low threating mothers voice I had perfected in the last few years “Cover me with your scary gun if you must but do it by the patient.”  
His eyes shifted for just a moment and then he let go. I ran forward, F.P was already sitting the guy down on the bench. I went right into medical mode looking him over while kneeling in front of him, I didn’t know him and from his patch I could see that he was a Prospect. “Where are you injured?” I asked as I lifted his shirt but couldn’t see anything from the restricted view; most of the blood appeared to be in the front though. “F.P help me take off his jacket”.  
Already members were rushing around the top ring making their way out the doors Smiles was manning, I kept my attention on the bleeding guy “Hey what’s your name” louder “Can you tell me what happened? Where are you hurt?” I asked again. When we got the jacket and shirt up Sweet Pea wordlessly handed me his still warm t-shirt, having been in enough medical emergencies with me to anticipate my needs, but I couldn’t see a bullet hole or stab wound that needed to be stopped. I ripped Sweet Peas shirt in half and wiped down the guys torso to make sure I wasn’t missing anything, most of the blood was on his front and there wasn’t a wound. Did he cough it up? I wondered but there wasn’t any evidence around his mouth.  
“His name is Brick” Sweet Pea offered coming to my side now that the door was being covered. He took my hand and squeezed it sharing his encouragement and warmth. I reveled in it for a moment then pulled away.  
I stood up and grabbed Bricks face none too kindly and looked at his eyes they appeared normal but he looked dazed. “F.P cut off his pants” but something told me that I wouldn’t find anything there either.  
“Brick I need you to look at me and tell me what the fuck happened.” I could hear the tearing of his jeans as F.P made short work of them. Bricks eyes focused “Dead” he whispered “They are dead”

Once Brick started talking he didn’t shut up. Malachai, Brick and another prospect were at our chop shop that fronted as legitimate mechanic shop on the highway 20 minutes from here. All the parts from stolen vehicles and bikes from rich want-a-bees where dismantled quickly then sold online by a company with a sterling reputation that in no way could be associated with us. After our last bout with the law we had decided to do things smarter, and most parts didn’t have vin numbers.  
Malachai had been closing up before Pit, he and Brick were in the back. Brick heard shots and saw the Prospect at the till get gunned down by four guys through the large one way and bullet proof picture window behind the till.  
That window and the steel doors to the back were both safety measures in case the cops ever came to call, to buy us time. Who knows how long it would have taken them to get through the door, it would have made more sense for them to go through the wall even though it had steel studs and plate reinforced, but once again it would have taken time. They in fact didn’t have to do either because Malachai opened it following The Serpent code he had embraced -When one of us is attacked all stand and fight. What he was thinking when he opened the door I didn’t know for sure but I can guess. It had lead to his dead but he had fought back. Brick hadn’t seen Malachai die though because he had hid under a car like a mouse. Which I knew would seem harsh for anyone not in this life. 

After the men had gone out the back door, maybe thinking someone had run. Brick crawled out going to the bodies but hearing the guys come back inside he had left his brothers there and ran to a nearby farmhouse, hotwired a truck and drove here. I wondered if he realized that he had dug his own grave with his words, that no one here would accept him, let alone respect him after such a cowardly act.  
I stood there before him as he cried for himself and yes for the trauma he had sustained. “Who were they?” I asked the question everyone in that room wanted to ask but it was mine to speak. Everyone had filled back in the room having quickly realised that no one had breached the club house, all had stood listening to Brick babble and now waiting for the answer. Joaquin stood to my left with the unneeded medical bag because there wasn’t a scratch on the sole survivor, it was shameful. 

Brick looked up at me with his mouth gapping like I was his mother bird. He seemed surprised that I would want to know such a thing “It was Liam though they weren’t wearing their cuts, I recognized him through the glass as soon as he came in. It was the Barbarians” I nodded as if I had expected this answer, though I hadn’t, but maybe I should have. Them not wearing their cuts meant that they had hoped this could have been done in secret. This was a guerrilla warfare move not an all-out war, not yet at least but we would bring it to their door. They hadn’t expected us to find out it was them, they were Vultures attacking because they thought we were weak, they were wrong.

But first we needed to deal with our own, there was no going forward until our own house was in order, and everyone needed to be in on the vote this was an issue of club law, I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to but I didn’t. After a deep breath my voice ran out loudly “All who vote to expel Brick from The Serpents forever say Ai” Brick surprised protest was drowned out by the verberating agreement throughout the pit, this time even I voted. “All those that oppose say so now.” Not a sound other than Bricks naked whimpering could be heard.  
“Toni” I said and she stepped forward grabbing Brick jacket roughly. As Sag at Arms it’s her job to strip patches both for honorable reasons and dishonorable ones. Brick fell to his knees “Please let me stay, please” his words did nothing but make me think less of him.  
“Who’s his sponsor?” I asked out someone introduced him to the club and put their reputation on the line believing in Bricks success, and would now lose because of his failure.  
A thin older man stepped forward I didn’t know him, but I guessed he was an addition from another chapter, he had the harden look of a lifer to him. “Who is he to you?” I asked  
“My grandson President” his eyes said that perhaps out of all of us he was the most displeased about Bricks choices, and not only because it would cost him. I’d wager he had been born on the back of a bike.  
“What’s your name and do you hold a rank?” I asked I should of course know this but I am new. “Shotgun, Tail Gunner” name Shotgun and Tail Gunner meant that he was good and resourceful with a wrench. On rides he kept to the back and was second in command, helped anyone whose bike broke down. Traditionally Sponsors often suffer the same fate as the failed Prospect; it’s accountability to the extreme. Shotgun might get kicked out, most assuredly lose his position. 

“I do not hold you responsible for the actions of another, but I do hold you to your word and you stood up before your sisters and brothers and swore that on our worst day we could rely on Brick did you not?” Shotgun didn’t have to answer and he didn’t. I pointed to the excuse of a man laying naked on the ground, He might have gotten others killed someone like him could have gotten Jughead killed or Toni, or Sweet Pea and who knows maybe if he had stood with Malachai things would have turned out different. Four men was nothing against determined Serpents.

We relayed on each other It was club rule, club law “No member will disgrace the Club by being a coward” Brick would have had this memorized this and all the laws. Toni and Shotgun would have drilled it into his head by now; he would know it by heart. “You could have called someone, you could have not left their bodies but instead you come whimpering back to the clubhouse with a full gun.” My god their bodies were still out there, there was so much to do. 

Malachai had been a friend, his wife too and I had to tell her. How could I make that devastating blow to her when I understood just how much pain it would bring?  
I turned back to Shotgun “We will hold Court in two days. Then we will vote on your consequences” Shotgun nodded but I had already dismissed him making a list of all the things that needed to get done.  
I turned to Iron Clad he had everyone’s phone numbers, “Inform the rest of our businesses what happened and to make appropriate precautions” He nodded and moved to the stairs.  
“Toni dole out our weapons stores to reinforce anywhere we are vulnerable, work with Fangs on a defence plan for all our external structures and the Club house. Shut down some of our legit business if needed, especially ones where we employ citizens.” I turned looking for the black haired Enforcer that Jughead had recruited, She looked like a fifties pinup, a time where her beautiful round curves were fully appreciated. I spotted her red lips always picture perfect “Siren I want attack plans on how quietly and very loudly to come best on The Barbarians by tomorrow. I want outlines on ways to best dismantle them completely.”  
“Sure thing Pres.” she smiled at me one hand on her hip.

This was going to be a feat because ever though the Barbarians chapters were more localized they were large and ruthless. Siren was an expert at not only planning physical but cyber-attacks, as well as getting any information we needed.  
“President” a voice came down when I paused for a breath. I frowned looking up, it was Smiles. He looked terrified having to interrupt me; after all he was just a Prospect.  
“What is it Smiles” I all but growled it and he swallowed hard.  
“There are cops upstairs”  
“FUUUUUUCK” I shouted releasing the pent up frustrated energy.  
I looked at F.P exasperated; he was smiling sadly because he knew this job well. I found myself smiling back. Taking a deep breath I realised how surprised and honored I was by his and everyone’s faith in me. All these bad ass independent people were waiting for me to give them marching orders.  
“Joaquin, you and Shotgun will take Brick to the safe house in Mariton, make sure no one and nothing gets to him.” Meaning no one kills him and he doesn’t run off. This was a way for Shotgun to make a small amount of amends, I hope he took it.

“Everyone else go secure your loved ones, get them out of town until we deal with the Barbarians or bring them here after I’ve dealt with the cops. Everyone be back here by 9 am and take the tunnel out.” I didn’t want this group walking past the cops. There was a pause with everyone still standing there. “Go now” I said and they did.  
Sweet Pea was my shadow was I walked up to F.P I knew what I needed to say but it was breaking my already shattered heart. “F.P I need you to get Mom and the kids and take them someplace safe and far from here. Maybe go back to Florida”  
F.P didn’t argue or try to talk me out of it he knew like me it was needed, he gave me a huge bear hug, “I’ll text you when leave and we’ll call you tomorrow.” I was surprised by the suddenness of it but it was best they all got out tonight, there were no guarantees The Barbarians where done.  
“Don’t forget Jane green bunny she can’t sleep without that thing” I offered my mother instincts coming back.  
F.P nodded looking at my shoulder, “Take care of her Sweet Pea”  
“Of course”  
I watched F.P make his way to the back of the auditorium where everyone was leaving outside a cleverly concealed door to the tunnel.  
It was only me and Sweet Pea that made our way to the double doors to the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything I said about the Black Ebony wood is true. Even thought it would cost more then a million dollars and be extremely rare to find.


	8. can hope or mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty talks to the Police

My shirt had blood all over it, something I’m sure the cops upstairs would probably notice and ask questions about and I didn’t want to give answers.

Smiles was still waiting by the door, I gestured for him to come down “Give me your shirt” I said in my mother tone. I looked Sweet Pea over, he was still shirtless, his perfectly toned chest and broad shoulders was definitely attention drawing but not because he had any blood on him. He must work out at the club; I didn’t see equipment at his place. Though his muscles looked genuinely obtained, lacking that gym alone feel. Maybe he chopped wood at the cabin, lots and lots of wood. I blinked slowly taking him in, I’ve lain on that chest I thought and that shook me in ways that I couldn’t stand to think about now, it was all too complicated.

Sweet Pea low chuckle drew my eyes up to his “As much as I appreciate the attention Pres., you are needed elsewhere” his voice was low enough so that Smiles arrival shortly after missed Sweet Peas words.

I frowned annoyed, even though he was right, I had been staring all be it for reasons more then he might think. Smiles had taken off his black vintage Pearl Jam shirt and held it out to me. Sweet Pea grabbed it, his low chuckle turned into a growl “Turn around Prospect” staring Smiles down even though I’m sure the kids last thought right now was looking at me sexually. Smiles quickly obeyed, Prospect or not I don’t think that there were many that would stand against Sweet Pea when he spoke in that tone.

I quickly stripped my shirt off and put on the replacement which I’m glad was black. For all Sweet Peas bark he hadn’t turned around himself, I noticed, but he was being enough of a gentleman to not be actively looking though. I wiped any remaining blood off my hands on the clean parts of my old shirt. 

“Good?” I asked Sweet Pea turning for him.

He nodded slowly dark eyes looking me over.

Walking past Smiles I made my way upstairs pausing to call back “Prospect stay out of sight until they leave”

Coming upstairs revealed the cops at the bar, where one of the old ladies was bartending and talking to them as if everything was normal. Maybe she hadn’t seen the blood soaked guy come in earlier but I doubted it. The bar was fairly empty and the intruders were both male and uniformed. So they were small time I thought, but even though they were local it didn’t make me like them.

They saw us come up and immediately abandoned their on-shift beers to walk over. The taller brown haired officer was looking at Sweet Pea’s chest like it was a gun. It was wise of him to see that body as the weapon, many make the mistake of overlooking it because few knew or were willing to kill up close and personal like Sweet Pea was. 

The other officer, with a puffed out chest, clearly thought he was the shit spoke up to Sweet Pea with a befriending grin “President is there somewhere we can talk?” Oh so the small town cop knew some of the lingo, maybe he had dreams of one day joining The Serpents. I didn’t blame him for that, there was a thin line between cops and criminals, both callings came from a similar un-conformist place inside. Both in there ways trying to change the world in their image. 

But there were no 1% motorcycle club that would accept a cop, not because they were so different but because it would always mean conflicting loyalties. Sweet Pea looked at him with a icy silence. The tall officer was looking at me with something of a twinkle in his eye; I don’t think he would have made that mistake.

“I’m the President” I interjected “and we can talk here” I said it with finality moving to a table close by. I didn’t bother to look at the cop’s reaction to his mistake I didn’t really give enough of a fuck to acknowledge his male chauvinistic bullshit right now. 

I stood behind the chair at the table that faced the door, and raised my voice to the others in the room “Everyone give us a moment” The 15 or so other people in the bar, without hesitation, got up and left, most out the front a few out back. I didn’t want to drag these uniforms any deeper into our club than necessary.

The cops had followed me to the table and Sweet Pea pulled out the chair for me to sit which wasn’t the independent alpha move I wanted to make but it guess it showed respect. Sweet Pea with all his dark looks and scowling, definitely looked the part of a bad ass biker President. Even though one of the most important jobs of said Presidency was being the face of the club to the rest of the world, which took a level of people skills I didn’t really feel right now.

The one that had misread who I was, sat across from me with one of those sick smiles on his face of half arousal and half looking at me like a circus novelty. My expression was cold though I was happy that my initial assessment of him had held up. Unfortunately he seemed to be the one that was going to do the talking, “I thought that your bodyguard was the fiercest women in here” the ass cop motioning to Poison who was still guarding the Pit door. “She wouldn’t let us come downstairs, said we didn’t have a search warrant.” 

The other police officer gaze seemed to linger on the female Prospect in question. He sat on my right, and noticing my regard he held my gaze with his intelligent eyes. I tried I mentally convey my displeasure that his colleague and not him was operating this interview and from the grin he gave me I think he understood.

“Well she’s right” I said in a light tone turning back to the cop across from me “Must hurt that manly ego when someone knows your job better then you.” his patronizing smile turned to a decided frown. Poison had definitely gone up in my esteem, standing your ground against two cops was required by our prospects but still impressive.

“There has been a fire at your mechanic shop on the highway” the intelligent cop jumped in smoothly.

My surprise was real “A fire?” I said turning to him.

“Yes. It was wide spread and burnt down very quickly, there is not much left.” He looked like an officer should when relaying bad news, professional but a little empathetic. The ass cop didn’t take that class at school I guess, he jumped in even though I was sure anything he had to say wouldn’t be helpful. “There was most likely an accelerant used, you know anything about that?” he said in a snarky tone, this guy tipping us off to his suspicions was such a rookie move. 

I got snarky back “Yes I’m sure it’s very unusual to find gas, diesel, oil rags and that kind of thing at a mechanic’s shop.” We had been sure there was plenty on hand and the regular paperwork for it for just this reason. Burning the shop down was one of the strategies if the cops ever tried to come in and get evidence, not that we ever had that many stolen vehicles on site at a time. We chopped it and turned it around fast. 

The ass cop liked me less and less every time I opened my mouth; his pouty frown was the only thing that made me want to smile right now. I was getting a head ache and it had been a rough night I didn’t have patience for fools right now, this little talk needed to end. “Let me just cut to the chase. You think accelerant so of course, you jump to arson which would lead you to maybe insurance fraud. Except we don’t benefit from this, first because it’s a good business that makes a great profit which will now make us nothing until we can set up shop again”

If looks could kill his would but he wisely held his tongue so I continued “and secondly if there is any insurance money we have it set up to go to a local charity for troubled youth so we don’t get the money. Which really blows your poorly concealed or thought out, theory apart wouldn’t you say?” His face was getting redder and redder as I continued “But top marks for telling us you suspect something ensuring that if we did have something to hide we would have ample time to do something about it, because as you said you don’t have a search warrant.” 

The charity had been my idea in case we ever did need to torch it, harder to prove intent and if it had burnt to the ground which it would have if we had done it. They would have had to prove motive and without evidence or insurance benefits there was none. It was one of my last contributions when we went straighter and I got out. It would have been wiser for Liam to have left the building and evidence standing but even if there were stolen goods to be found we had a fall guy. I imagine the reason that Liam hadn’t was because he wanted to do the damage himself and using cops against us just made him look weak.  


I could see that the charity bit surprised them, the intelligent one recovered faster. I leaned forward towards the asshole my tone sharp and low, going in for the kill “Now I don’t want two women in one day proving that they are better cops then you so unless you are here to give your sympathy maybe you should go find out who burnt down my shop” I leaned back “if it was arson” I added though I knew it had been. Things were going to get more complicated when they found the bodies. I shook my head the families and the Club wouldn’t have something to bury this made it worse, just the end of a great week actually.

The asshole sat up and lean towards me across the table “Being a police officer is more than talking you mouth off you Bitch slut.” he stopped talking when Sweet Pea stood up suddenly and threatening.

I laughed not in the least bit put off, “It”s a weak men that attacks a women’s sexuality when he didn’t have anything better to say”. I stood up, side by side with Sweet Pea so I could look this joker in the eye “You have no idea who or what I am. What you are is a misogyny flea that is taking up too much of my time. Get the fuck out of my bar” I said with teeth.

He got the message and walked away though unfortunately most likely more afraid of Sweet Pea then anything I said. His partner got up slowly “Great shirt but wasn’t the guy we sent down to get you wearing it.” He asked gesturing to my chest unlike his partner he looked amused at the turn of events. “So along with this guy” he gestured to Sweet Pea “There is at least one other shirtless man walking around. What exactly is it that you’re doing down there?” his humor threw me off and I laughed, this time it was genuine. He smiled and I noticed in his own way he was fairly good looking. Mid thirty’s, blue eyes he wouldn’t look out of place in a firefighter calendar, though a little too straight laced looking for my tastes.

“I’m starting a harem, want to join?” I offered as he took out a bill and a card leaving them on the table. I’m guessing the money was for the drinks even though I’m sure she hadn’t charged them.

“I just might, but you shouldn’t decide until you’ve seen me without my shirt on” he smiled but it wasn’t as flirty as it sounded, from his lingering look at Poison earlier I think I knew where his real interests lay.

“Of course” I said from what I could see it would be an impressive chest in its own right, not that it could rival Sweet Peas. This guy apart from his muscle tone had proven himself intelligent and I imagine would be a worthy ally. A thought was starting to form about him but I needed to know something first “Usually I like to know their names as well, so it appears less elitist and slave like.” Leaving the void for him to fill.

“Appears huh, my names Sheriff Gatlin” he said offering his hand. 

And I took it, now it was my turn to be surprised, I had heard of him of course he was new to his position and town but already had a positive reputation with the townspeople. Though the old man he replaced had been useless. Gatlin noticed my surprise “Were you expecting me to be a women?” he asked good naturally. I shook my head, I wasn’t sure what I had expected but this guy wasn’t it. 

“Betty Jones” I replied instead.

He nodded his head like he knew that already and dropped my hand “Nice meeting you President, and I’ll be having a word with my Deputy about how he talks to women. Can you believe he’s single?” He grinned  


“Shocking” I offered “I can handle disrespect like that myself though” I added not wanting him to think that I couldn’t handle assholes.

He paused looking at Sweet Pea for a moment then back to me “I saw that” I knew there was more to those words then he was saying but I could decipher what.

“It was nice meeting you Sheriff; I hope that we grow to know each other better. You are welcome here anytime.” My offer was real and from the understanding in his eyes he saw that.

Gatlin looked down and half turned to leave when he stopped and I knew what he was going to say even before he said it. A cold chill washed over me as he said the words “I’m also sorry for your loss, I paid my respects at the funeral.” He was most likely there for security, hundreds of 1% bikers coming to town was just asking for the law to show up and take notice. 

He looked up caching my eyes there was nothing that read false about him deep regret was clear in his eyes as if he very much understood my grief, our eyes held for a moment and I nodded not being about to say any words back, all the soft polite things just got stuck in my throat. He nodded knowingly and walked away and I stared at his back while he did. He knows who I am, he knew what I had lost, and I shouldn’t be surprised it was odder that the other cop hadn’t known. I was transfixed until he disappeared out the door.

“Reaper?” Sweet Pea question hung in the air even though I didn’t know what it was, I turned to him.  
“That didn’t go as originally planned” I sighed

“Seemed good to me” Sweet Pea shrugged with a sad grin.

“I need you to drive me”

Sweet Pea drove me to see Stacy, Malachai wife, and I asked him to stay in the truck. She answered the door right away; from the quiet the kids were obviously already asleep. She was clearly surprised to see me but there was no fear on her face when I got invited in. She failed to understand who I was, who really had come knocking at her door, how today I came as The Reaper.

For me it had been Gus who knocked on my door around noon, an old friend of my mothers and the family that worked at the police office on light duties. Mostly taking care of those in the cells, that kind of thing. I hadn’t at the time thought about it but he must have asked for the job, maybe he had even gotten permission from Sheriff Gatlin himself but just like Stacy I had invited him into my house not realizing that the world as I knew it was going to change.

My hands were shaking as I sat down on the plush brown couch; the only way I could do this was to disassociate everything about it having had anything to do with me, to forget that it had been me sitting across just a few days ago. So I told her not all the details but enough, I told her that her husband was dead

She blinked at me for at least a whole minute before exploding into curses, swearing at me, the Serpents, everything under the sun and demanding that I leave the house. I got up and went to the front door both feeling relieved and guilty as my feet went down the front steps. I phoned a mutual friend of ours who was loyal to The Serpents to come over and I waited in the front yard until she showed up. I explained to her what happened and how to act when the cops came, because I wasn’t just me anymore, I was representing many. As I watched her go inside, I wondered how long it would take till wherever I walked or talked people wouldn’t be able to see Betty anymore, that all they would see was the label on my jacket.

When I got into the car Sweet Pea wordlessly drove but he didn’t take me home he took me towards the cabin. When he made the first wrong turn I didn’t say anything, because if I could get away with not saying another word today I’d be grateful. I justified my lack of correction on telling myself it would be safer The Barbarians probably didn’t know the cabin existed. I couldn’t go back to an empty house or one that wasn’t empty yet. I couldn’t bare to explain to my children how I was abandoning them, not tonight. 

What fucks them up the least, the thing that fucks them up the least, I said in my head like a private mantra. Not getting killed or taken hostage by a sadistic fuck like Liam was less damaging then having your mother abandon you after you have just lost your father. It wasn’t until we were almost to the cabin that I realised that I hadn’t at any point even considered leaving with them or doing anything apart from staying here and being President.

“What’s wrong with me” I knew I said it out loud but I thought it was too low for Sweet Pea to hear.

“Nothing Reaper” his strong assurance came across the cab.

“No. no. no. This is fucked I’m fucked what am I doing, I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’m going to start a war, I‘ve leaving my kids to be a bad ass gangster and the really fucked up thing is that I have to. You and a hundred men couldn’t make me leave before I see this through. I want blood” I held out my hands as if they were already covered “Liam’s blood and I want him dead and I might die and I fucking don’t care, we are going to loss people, people are going to die and I’m going to do it any way.” 

Tears where coming down unabated, the numbness of this week vanishing for a moment “I just told her that he was dead. I just sat there and told her he was dead because I knew - I knew exactly what she was feeling and I couldn’t - I couldn’t show her an ounce of compassion because then there would have been two of us in that house with our hearts broken and that would just be too much grief for one space to take - but maybe that would have been better because I told her as if I was a doctor, not her friend. No wonder she kicked me out. What’s wrong with me?” Tears came unabated now but they were a silent testament, I couldn’t even cry right. It was as if the rest of my body didn’t know it was crying. 

“Nothing is wrong with you” Sweet Pea growled as he parked and I was startled by the predatoriness of his voice. His tone soften “You are being a Serpent, you are following our code “If you attack one all stand and fight” 

“If you attack one all stand and fight” I repeated

“You were amazing tonight at the meeting, with Brick, with the cops, everything. You were so dam amazing. I was so proud” his gravelly voice sang my praises as we looked out on the lake “Jughead would have been so proud” he added.  
“Sweet Pea please…” I was telling him that I couldn’t talk about Jug right now maybe he thought I was asking for something else because his kiss was searing and crushing as he pulled me close. 

Together for a moment we were aloft, floating on top of it all. All the pain and sense was gone and all I knew was his heat and need all he seemed to know existed was me, but the law is all that goes up must come down. He did not seem surprised by my fists he did not even shield against me he just took every hit I landed on him, looking down at me with such regret as if he would take all the pain in me onto himself if he could. Finally when I was spent he took both my sore hands gently and kissed them. “I want all the parts that you can give me Betty, because I’m here to have them. I’m not going anywhere but you need some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the comments and love for the story so far, I very much appreciate and read them.
> 
> Be safe and stay sexy.


	9. can hide)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty and Sweet Pea go for breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to a show on CBC radio the other day that made me, as a women, appreciate that I get to write. Women did not always have the freedom to put words together, and have their names recognized. And conceptually I knew this but the loss settled on me much deeper then before.
> 
> If Jane Austen had married we probably wouldn’t have her books today, her time would have gone to only running a home because writing was frowned upon. I think of the books and female authors we lost that we will never know. 
> 
> And if anyone watched “Good Girls Revolt” you might understand this feeling.
> 
> I encourage you to get righteous angry and write. Write for the women who didn’t have the choice.  
> Write because you can.

A sudden, loud, and near “Eye of the Tiger” started playing and my sleep addled mind couldn’t remember the name of the band, but I know that I have never hated them more then this moment. The bed under me moved, when the bed swore I realised that it was actually Sweet Pea moving to get his phone. 

Sitting up he grabbed it and in a tone that was deep and promised dead he growled “What the fuck could be so important” into the now silent object. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away trying to convince my body that this was all a strange dream and that it was ok to go back down into oblivion. 

Sweet Pea’s next words cut through any chance of me going back to sleep “You find me that assholes address, and a god dam list of everything he loves and you have it before the meet.” I turned slowly, squinting my eyes against the light, Sweet Pea needed to get a giant curtain. 

“What’s wrong?” rising on an elbow already invested in the conversation. His bare back was to me, sitting at the edge of the bed, in sweats, looking forward far too still. 

“Sweet Pea” my tone rose in concern with the two syllables of his name. I sat fully up; rubbing my eyes with the inside of Smiles Pearl Jam shirt. When my voice didn’t elicit any response I reached out to touch his back but stopped. 

I didn’t want to know, did I? If I knew then there was a known end, surely not knowing was better, but if I didn’t find out then it could be anyone. It could be - “Sweet Pea is it the kids” I asked looking around frantically for my phone not remembering where I left it. 

He immediately turned “The kids are fine” he said but there was no comfort on his face he looked grief stricken more than at the funeral perhaps more then I’d ever seen him. He opened his mouth and I again was terrified of what he was going to say. His face turned hard, he reached out and cupped my face. “I’ll fix this babe I swear it, if I have to gut this guy and choke him by his entrails to print a retraction I will.” 

I blinked, the words made sense but then again they really didn’t “Sweet Pea I don’t understand. A retraction?” being the daughter of a newspaper editor I of course knew what it meant but was unclear on how it applied. 

He grabbed my chin firmly, “I swear” he said looking into my eyes and I might not know what he meant but I knew he meant it. He let me go getting up and going to the dresser opening a couple drawers he got out a black shirt and an even blacker hand gun. 

Before I could even ask he was walking towards the stairs with both items in his large hands “Stay in the bed. Don’t look out the windows” he said before taking the stairs down like someone’s life depended on it. 

I pulled the blanket up under my chin, but then threw it off when I realised what I was doing. A part of me wanted to look outside but Sweet Pea wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important. Maybe this was about Liam maybe he had found us after all. The banging open of the outside door told me where he had gone but not why.

After what seemed an eternity but was probably only 10 minutes the outside door opened again and Sweet Pea familiar footsteps came back up the stairs. When he came into view he was wearing the shirt and the gun was still in his hand. He was much slower coming up then going down he was bent over and almost looked like he was walking to the principals for punishment. 

“Sweet Pea what’s going on? you are scaring me” lowly in the quiet between us. Sweet Pea instantly straighten looking over at me “Sorry I didn’t think how this might look.” He set the gun down and sat on the bed beside me “Newspaper just needs to mind their own business is all” I strongly believe in the freedom of the press but didn’t push the issue wanting to know what the hell was going on more than making a point.

I sighed exasperated grabbing his arm “I swear, if you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’ll do something drastic.” 

Sweet Pea chuckled low and the sound made me feel warm and safe. It was familiar, it sounded like summer days drinking behind the bar, or on Jug and my deck, where Sweet Pea swore he’s get me to like beer and he finally managed it. It took trying dozens and dozens of disgusting ones but he said he would find the one for me and after long evenings, talking crap just us or whoever happened to be around, we found one I liked. It was Scottish and had a slight raspberry flavor. He looked at me with a slight grin as if he was remembering it to, but that had been a lifetime ago. 

Sweet Pea was raising his hand to touch my face but never made contact swearing and turning away from me breaking the moment. “Newspaper printed some bullshit about me this morning” He offered and I was thrown. 

“About you?” that didn’t line up with Sweet Peas demeanor he wouldn’t give a shit about what any newspaper said about him.

“About me and you” he added looking at me to understand “Fangs says there is a picture of us” he paused “from the morning after the funeral - of you in my clothes” 

I blinked, and then blinked again “Fuck”

“Yep fuck” he growled low

I stared straight ahead like Sweet Pea had when he had gotten the news, my brain mulling it over for a full three minutes, I don’t know if my brain was working too much or not at all and then I snorted in laughter. For a moment there was complete silent as Sweet Pea and I looked at each other, both surprised by the noise that had come out of me and then I was undone. I was laughing so hard tears where coming out.

Sweet Pea looked at me seriously for a while as if trying to assess if I’d lost my mind and then he started chucking to. It was surreal and almost beautiful the fullness of feeling the light-headedness of more air going out then in. Maybe I was crazy but with all the things it could have been I was beyond thankful that it was this. I fell back on the bed because it was getting hard to breath. With everything that has happened who gave a fuck about my reputation, it’s not like I was a Victorian miss with a family honor to uphold.

But Sweet Pea reaction had been so bizarre and it was this that finally subdued the humor and caused me to sit up again. “Sweet Pea why did you get so weird? You left the house with a gun.” 

This time when Sweet Peas hand raised it took my cheek in his palm gently, ”I went to see if they were out there. I don’t want to be the cause of any more pain for you.” I was touched by his wish, as impossible as it may be.

A sly smile came to face “Life is pain highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something” 

Sweet Pea rolled his eyes “You quoting that awful movie isn’t going to make me like it anymore”  


“Are you kidding?! Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles“ how long could get away with quoting The Princess Bride before I gave him an stroke. 

Sweet Pea had introduced me to beer but I had introduced him to classic movies, Sweet Pea hadn’t grown up watching TV. He didn’t have a home life where sitting down to relax was possible. In his house if you sat too long you would get noticed, caught, and hurt. Being in the same place too long meant pain. Sleep had even been a problem for him when we first met; the fact that he slept much at all now was a testament to how safe and how much he has overcome. 

So movies had been the thing I introduced him to, Jug had suggested Hitchcock and the black and whites, and I had got him to watch the best that the 80’s and 90’s had to offer. He professed to dislike most of them and for me that was a great deal of the fun. 

But I watched him as he watched the screen and he had smiled at the right parts and got stiff and manly at the crying part. The only two that he admitting to liking at all was “Rebel Without A Cause” and for some weird reason “The Breakfast Club”, but what he hated the most was “The Princess Bride”, which is brillent so obviously it just needs to grow on him. Trying to get him to read the book had been a non starter.

“Stop“ he demanded though he was smiling

“As you wish”

“You are going to regret this” 

“Lies do not become us” I pulled back grinning wide

“I’m warning you girl”

“You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means”

I tried to bury myself in the blankets but he grabbed me and I squealed trying to squirm away. He pulled me closer and he kissed me. I stilled, my heart hammering because this wasn’t fun and light anymore. He pulled back and looked at me, but his hands around my waist stayed. “Sweet Pea I can’t” 

His hands dropped to his sides letting me go, his dark brown eyes turned down “I know”

I got up to pace “If you know then why do you keep kissing me” I sounded angry but I was really scared. I was a ball of terror that I didn’t know the bottom of, but what I did know was kissing lead to love - which lead to loss - loss and pain so much pain. 

He stayed sitting on the bed looked contemplative as if it was a very serious question, as I went back and forth from the bathroom door to the stairs. This wasn’t fair to him, being in his bed but not able to be more to him. It was my fault, what I was doing was wrong. Me using him for sleep and comfort was wrong. Even though I loved him I couldn’t be more. When he spoke I stopped “I’ve been trying not to kiss you since I met you and now I’ve loss all motivation to stop myself.”

I stared at him and his honesty “That’s not a reason.” 

“It is, just not a very good one.” He frowned looking down “You have always been my weakness Reaper that’s why I had to go. Save my fool heart from getting broke when you rejected me”  


“I didn’t know you felt that way before, never.” he had just been my friend and it had taken a lot of effort on my part for him to even open up to me and even be that. For so long he had been so closed off, I never was completely sure that first year if he even liked me as a person at all. He had been more distant then not, but I always thought it was just apart of his charming personality.

“That’s because I’m good at hiding it, or I use to be” he stood up and walked up to me. He seemed so much larger - broader - when he was this close, Jug had always been lean but Sweet Pea was a wall. A sturdy impenetrable wall and that’s how I had always thought of him, some biker-bad version of The Secret Garden, and now that the door was opening I didn’t know what to do.

Sweet Pea looked at me with that pondering frown he did before he said something important, I held my breath. “I love you and I understand that you are not in a place right now to love me back, that you might never love me back. You just lost the love of your life so I understand, really I do.” and I knew he did because Sweet Pea only said things that he one hundred percent believed. He stepped closer and I thought I might crumble if he touched me. “I don’t want to be anywhere else, and even when you don’t need me here, it’s going to be hard to find reasons to go.” 

I was physically backing away from him and he was following me, I brushed up against the wall. His eyes looking down in mine narrowed with sadness or pain. “I’ll be what you need and I’ll try to keep myself in check, but it’s going to be hard not to kiss you.” 

I was shaking my head, or was it my hands that were shaking? I think maybe my whole body was vibrating, this was all too much and my head hurt I couldn’t process or think about this now.

Sweet Pea soothingly stroked my hair “Betty I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cause you more pain. Forget about me, forget what I said, just do what you need to do and I’ll be here to help you.”  
I caved in, it was too easy; I nodded as he enveloped me into his arms, my anxiety dissipating. He must know if he pushed me I would need to think about it, and if I thought about It I would have to make a decision, and if I made a decision I would run. 

He stepped back letting me go “Let’s go get breakfast”

He took us to the town over to get food in a little diner I’ve never been before, but have eaten the food of a hundred times. It was not as good as Pops but it did the trick. 

I got an loaded omelette and orange juice and Sweet Pea got steak and eggs with black coffee. I watched him across the table, he looked so normal going through the domestic labours of pulling the paper green band off the cutlery to free it and gentlely smoothing out his napkin. The waitress here gave Sweet Pea the once over as well, even though she was older, then she turned to me with a smile that suggested that I dam well better appreciate my good luck. 

I smiled back but I didn’t mean it as I brought the drink to my lips. Sweet Pea again seemed to be oblivious to the waitress interest, which with his acute observation skills I found hard to believe. “You noticed her checking you out, didn’t you?” 

Sweet Pea dark eyebrows raised in question to ask where I going with this “Sure” He answered guarded.

“But you act like you don’t notice. It was the same with the girl from Pops.”

He grinned “You mean the Ohhh OHhh Mrs. Mitchell?” 

Had Mrs.Mitchell been looking at him with interest to? “No the young waitress that was falling all over you” I blushed trying to forget my commentary of his sex scene on a table much like this one we were at now “You noticed her right?”

“Ya, I noticed” 

“So you just acted like you didn’t notice?” I was confused “Why? She was cute.” looking at it all very objectively.

“Mrs. Mitchell?” he asked sounding confused but I saw a little grin.

“No the Pops waitress. You pretended that she wasn’t even there.”

Sweet Pea eyes narrowed “Are you upset that I didn’t flirt with another woman?”

“Yes” I said exasperated “I mean no. I’m just wondering why you don’t show interest? you were both there and single. She was giving you all the signs and you gave her nothing. She probably thought you were a monk or something.”

“I was with you.” His tone serious all joking gone.

“But you weren’t, you were in there alone, you didn’t even know I was watching.”

“Oh, I knew you were watching. What I wasn’t expecting was the descriptive video on the porn show.” 

“You didn’t know I was watching.” I shot back “All I’m saying is that it would have made more sense for you to flirt back then not to.”

Sweet Pea sat back in the seat, looking down at his left hand on the table. “You said you didn’t want to talk about this, I was with you. Why does it matter if some just out of high school tart doesn’t hold any interest for me?” 

“But why not? It’s not like I expect you to marry her, but she was good looking and you - I’m sure there was enough interest there for a night of fun.” 

“So while you were in the car waiting for me I should have taken her for a quickie in the bathroom? Used her to get my rocks off while the burgers got cold.” he was truly angry now. This tone was one I knew well one that set mens knees trembling. It wasn’t going to stop me though and I didn’t know why, I needed to unwrap this.

“Well it didn’t end up mattering much did it, we never ate them.”

“That’s not the bloody point, we had just come from Jugs grave, and you were so upset you couldn’t even come in. The reasons why I wasn’t interested should be perfectly understandable.” 

And I knew that it should have been, but it wasn’t. I was upset about something, my emotions were running me mad, I was trying to work it out and find the pea under my mattress. 

I tried again “If you had wanted to have sex, even quick sex, that’s a perfectly understandable response to death. Life always comes after death it’s the natural order. I just don’t want to be what holds you back. I didn’t know how you felt and I’m the one that kept you from meaningful relationships.” 

And there it was, I was realizing the full responsibility of his love, a responsibility I hadn’t know was mine till now. He hadn’t been with anyone seriously all those years, he could’ve had a family by now of his own - if it hadn’t been for me.

“You’re so full of yourself” he roared pushing back in his seat.

I sat back surprised, I didn’t look but the restaurant got very quiet around us.

“I’m capable of getting my needs met. I make my own choices and don’t need you taking the weight of them on yourself. I didn’t pay any attention to that girl at Pops because I didn’t want to, and yes because you were waiting In the car.” he crumbled the napkin he had been so careful with before and threw it on the table in frustration “and if I’m going to have any life fucking affirming sex, I want you. But that is all my choice Betty, I won’t be your fucking martyr.” He got up, walked past me and out the front door. The bell chimed angrily as he slammed it. My heart didn’t pound because he was angry with me, it was pounding because he said he wanted it to be me. I looked over at the other patrons to see their disapproving looks, well fuck them I glared back showing teeth.

I didn’t know what to do, I had very intentional picked a fight because it was an itch that I needed to scratch and the price had been Sweet Pea peace. I think that was the angriest he has ever been with me. I turned around in the chair to see where he had gone. Outside at the corner he was leaning against the restaurant. I got up and went out the front door, moving out to him. his head was back and his eyes were closed. Probably very much wishing right now he hadn’t given up smoking. 

I approached slowly. “Sweet Pea, I’m sorry” but before I could continue his arm snaked out and grabbed me, crushing me to his chest. His other hand going through my loose hair possessively. “Sweet Pea “I started again “I shouldn’t have picked a fight, I’m sorry.” 

“Stop” his warm breath was in my hair and ear. It was a long time before he started talking again he just held me and our chests matched in opposite rhythms, when he inhaled I exhaled, our torso’s pressed against each other. “Let’s finish eating” he said

Miraculously she hadn’t cleared our plates, we ate in silence which wasn’t awkward, even though we hadn’t dealt with what had happened, we were somehow outside of it, past it. Or maybe it was because we knew each other and trusted each other implicitly. We knew that things were not cleared between us but that they would be, because we were family and pack mates. 

Sweet Pea paid leaving an ridiculously large tip and walked me out. I decided to wait for him to talk first, it took till we were almost back into Riverdale before he did “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me” his words broke the silence.

“I don’t” I said surprised “Sweet Pea you are one of the least pitiable people I know” he looked over at me for a moment to see if this was true. “I didn’t mean to give you that impression” I fumbled for words, having no idea how he could think I thought that of him.

“I think sometimes I fear it so much that I see it. Reaper seeing pity in your eyes might just kill me.” He sighed gripping the steering wheel tightly.  
“Why pity?” I asked I could think of worse emotions.

“Because you can’t love what you don’t respect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I’ve had that restaurant fight before, or something very similar. I do enjoy I good row.
> 
> I always foolishly started a Hermione/Draco story in the Harry Potter world, so if interested look out for that soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles from e.e cummings poem [i carry your heart with me (i carry it in]


End file.
